Lesson learned: Don't overthink it

So in first grade we work a lot on writing. It's fun to see their writing get better and better over the course of the year but it oftentimes involves a bit of translation on my part to decipher their writing.

Sometimes their writing looks like this:

But other times it looks like this:

Here's the translation, in case you were wondering:


Mine's about the babies.

When the mice are born

they have no fur.

When they're born, they

can't see. When they're born

mice run.

Mice see                      

Mice 10 days.


So yeah. It's tricky sometimes. But I don't blame the students. Writing is hard. They have to think about handwriting, punctuation, spelling, capitalization, grammar, and content. The unfortunate part is that sometimes my students will be thinking so much about the spelling and the rules of writing, that their content is lack-luster or doesn't even make sense.

I think I sometimes feel like this when I am trying to pray. I want to express myself and say what I'm really feeling. But then I've heard so many things about making sure you pray for the right things and use the right language and be respectful and make sure you express gratitude and include a "thy will be done" and pray as if He is really there but also remember that you are speaking with Deity and your prayers should be aligned with His will and pray to have the Holy Ghost inspire you to know what to pray for, etc. It sometimes makes me so confused and then I start to overthink things and then it kind of ruins the whole prayer experience.

Lucky for us, we have an all-knowing Heavenly Father who knows exactly what we are trying to say when we pray. He knows us so intimately that He is able to listen to our hearts more than the actual words we are saying. He knows where we are developmentally and what things we might ask for even though we actually should be asking for something else.

Prayer is such a powerful tool and blessing that we have been given. I love that we are able to use our own words and express how we are truly feeling to a Heavenly Father who is always listening. So, for now, even though I am still trying to figure out some of the details of prayer, I am trying to not overthink it and just say what I feel like I want to say, knowing that the Teacher will know exactly what I am trying to say and will answer my prayers exactly in the way that they need to be answered.

Lesson learned: Some days are just practice days

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post about giving a test in my class. While tests are important in school, the majority of school days in a year are not test days. Most days we are learning and practicing skills, which usually involves some worksheets. When I already have a pretty good idea of who is understanding the concept and who isn't, instead of collecting the worksheets, I tell the students,
"If you feel like you did your very best, draw a smiley face on the top and put it in your cubby."

Most of my students will draw a smiley face on top and put it in their cubbies without a second thought. A few of my perfectionists, however, will come to me and say, "But Miss Brown, I didn't finish!" or "Miss Brown, I got three of them wrong." or "Miss Brown, it doesn't look like yours." To all of which, I respond, "Did you do your best?" "Yes." "Did you try your hardest?" "Yes." "Great! Put a smiley face on the top and put it in your cubby!" They don't realize that we are going to practice the exact same thing again tomorrow and the next day and the next day after that. They feel like the skill needs to be perfectly mastered today.

Many of us are perfectionists. We want to be perfect and do things perfectly, but then we find that we are consistently falling short. We feel that we have failed some kind of test. Heavenly Father knows that we are in the process of learning and He is not expecting perfection yet. He knows that more "worksheets" are coming. He simply wants to see that we are trying, that we are improving, and that we are moving forward. That's the point of practice. He doesn't expect perfect mastery from the get go.

We all just need to try our best. And my biggest thing is that I need to stop comparing my best to others' bests and to my own bests of the past. What I am capable of right now is different than what you are capable of right now and it's different than what I was capable of when I was three, when I was thirteen, when I was a missionary, during my first year of teaching, or yesterday. There may be a few slackers out there (and, no, you are not one of them) who just slide on by with as little effort as possible. But I feel like the majority of people are really trying to do their best that they can in that moment.

So why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we always feel that we need to do better? There is certainly a place for self-reflection and determining what improvements can be made, but, at the same time, I feel like it would be good for us to remember that not every day is test day. Some days are just practice days. 

It's okay if our worksheet isn't completely done or if we got a few of the answers wrong or if we didn't quite reach perfection today. We just need to do the best that we can right now, in the time we are allotted, with the resources we are given, and the knowledge we have. Did you do your best? Did you try your hardest? Okay then. Draw a smiley face on the top and put it in your cubby.

Lesson learned: Keep trying and be patient

We are halfway through March, the weather is warming up (except for that one time when it snowed this morning), and a bit of spring fever is starting to set in. My students are all getting very comfortable with each other which is leading towards a huge surge of CHATTINESS. Seriously. They will not stop talking. So, this week, I have decided to have a refresher course on raising our hands. I told my class what we would be working on, set some goals with them, dangled a couple of rewards in front of them for a bit of extra motivation, and we were off. 

After just a few minutes, they were all beginning to realize how much they really did interrupt and blurt out without raising their hands. There were some who thought it was funny that we kept on forgetting. Others were getting frustrated with how easily they forgot. We had moments of victory when some of my chattiest of the chattiest remembered to raise their hands. We had moments of defeat when that favorite someone just could not for the life of him remember to not just shout out the first thing that popped into his head. And we had lots of close-call moments when students would start to say something and then suddenly stop, look at me with the oh-you-thought-you-were-going-to-get-me-miss-brown-but-you-actually-aren't-because-I'm-going-to-stop-talking-now-and-raise-my-hand look, and then shoot their hand up in the air with a big grin. The best was when Nick put his hands on his cheeks and while shaking his head exclaimed, "We are NEVER going to get this right! Seriously. We aren't." 

So while it's been a long past couple of days, I must say that I don't blame them for having a hard time with this. It's difficult to break a bad habit and to train yourself to begin a new habit. Many of us have gone through the process of wanting to change a behavior, have started out with great hopes, messed up several times in a row, and then become discouraged and wonder if change is possible, just like my little first graders. 

I have this quote on the bulletin board in my room to help me when I find myself caught up in this cycle:

I love this quote. I love that Elder Christofferson, an Apostle of the Lord, is telling us that repeated attempts to change are not only okay, but can actually be viewed as holy. Bet you hadn't thought of it that way before. (P.S. This is from an incredible talk called "The Divine Gift of Repentance." You should read it...after you finish reading this.) We really learn and grow so so much as we go through the process of breaking a habit or, on a deeper level, repenting and turning away from a sin. It definitely is a refining and humbling process that takes diligence, effort, and patience with yourself. A lot of patience with yourself. Did I mention you need to have patience with yourself? Because you do. You need to have patience with yourself.

I'm beginning to figure out that just as we aren't expected to be perfect in life, Heavenly Father doesn't expect us to be perfect in the process of repentance or change. So don't be too hard on yourself if at times you blurt out and forget to raise your hand. Keep trying and move forward. Every step forward counts for something, even if there's the occasional step back.

Oh, and be patient with yourself. Your Teacher is.

Just something that I am going through that I thought might help someone else.

Lesson Learned: Silence doesn't mean absence

On Friday, I gave my students a math test. I was fairly confident that the majority of my class would do great on the test but I wasn't quite sure how Emily would do. She's smart but she has labeled herself as a bad test taker (thank you, parents). The morning of the test as we were reviewing, I kept asking her questions, trying to boost her confidence. Every time she got the answer right, I would give her a fist bump or a high five and tell her things like, "Way to go!" "Man! I can't trick you!" "You are rocking it today!" etc.

The time came for the test and as I passed out the papers, I gave her one last bit of encouragement and then we started. As I walked around the room, I was happy to see that Emily was right with us and doing great. But as I circled around to her desk again, I saw that she was struggling and getting behind. She looked up at me and asked, "Is this right?" I told her that she just needed to try her best and move on to the next one. The next time I passed by, she said, "Miss Brown, is this plus or minus?" I told her, "You know how to do this one. Just look carefully." At the end of the test, she was stuck on the last problem and again asked me for help. This time, I just winked at her and smiled.

She only missed one question out of 15.

This is totally how I am when it comes to going through life tests. I want Heavenly Father to give me the answers. I don't want to risk getting an answer wrong. I forget that I have been studying for this test for weeks, months, or even years. I forget that I have seen this kind of problem before. I forget that it's not the end of the world if I get answers wrong on this test; there are many more years of "school" and many more tests ahead of me. I start to think that Heavenly Father has left me to figure this out on my own and doesn't care if I succeed or not.

The fact that God is at times quiet does not mean that He is gone or has stopped caring. Just as a teacher occasionally withholds answers to see what her students know, Heavenly Father may stay silent to test our faith and spiritual knowledge. I am coming to find that there is great wisdom in this. We learn a lot when we are forced to struggle a bit for the answer. We gain so much confidence when we have to really focus and search our brains for any knowledge we have that can help us solve this problem.

I also think that Heavenly Father will not necessarily stay completely 100% quiet. I didn't give Emily the answers but I did give her encouragement during the test so she could regain her confidence. I feel like it's the same with Heavenly Father. I have had times when, through little tender mercies, Heavenly Father has sent me little reminders that He is still there even though I can't hear Him. It may be through a hymn someone else chose that perfectly matches my situation. It could be in the form of a sunny day. Or maybe it's when a friend just "happens" to stop by or a family member just "happens" to call. It could be just a feeling of calm even though there's still no solution.

Whatever it looks like, Heavenly Father is the perfect teacher and will be quiet enough to test us but present enough to strengthen us.

Just something to maybe put up on the shelf for later.

Lesson Learned: Ask for help. It helps.

There's this kid in my class who is a teacher's pet to a T. He wants to help me with everything. He told me he wants to be a first grade teacher when he grows up. He does things for me without being asked. He volunteers to be in charge when I leave the classroom. He makes sure he's at the end of the line at the end of the day so he can be the last one to tell me goodbye. He always tries to sit next to me or walk next to me in line. (If only all the men in my life were as attentive...) And, lately, he has been wearing his picture on his belt loop just like how I wear my teacher ID.

The tricky thing with this kid is that if I ever have to discipline him or if he doesn't get something, he takes it so hard and instantly goes into major sulking mode. And sometimes he decides to sulk just because. (I'm starting to think that he does it because he knows he'll get some extra attention from me when he does it which is really super.) I'll ask him what's wrong but he never tells me. He'll just keep his head down in his arms and won't look up at me. So my technique as of last has been to tell him,

"If you don't tell me what's wrong, I can't help you."

And then I do the I'm-going-to-ignore-the-behavior-and-hope-he-stops-doing-it-soon thing. He usually figures out quickly that I really am going to keep ignoring him unless he comes to me and tells me why he's frustrated or what he needs. The majority of the time, I actually already know exactly what the problem is, but I am trying to teach him the skill that if you don't ask for help or say what you need, it's hard for people to help you.

Ironically enough, I feel like I'm currently going through this exact same learning process in my life but it's not coming from my first grade teacher.

I can see it so clearly when I am the teacher but it seems so much harder when I am the student.

I feel like it's hard for me, and a lot of adults, to ask for help when it's needed. We want to look like we have it figured out and pulled together. Asking for help implies weakness, imperfection, and lack of ability. It requires humility, openness, and willingness to learn. I am slowly coming to realize that, even though it's not my favorite, asking for help is a necessity.

Here is proof I have found that we are supposed to ask for help and that asking for help is good for us:

• Bible Dictionary on prayer: "The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them."
• Matthew 7:7 - "Ask, and it shall be given you." Along with James 1:5, 1 Nephi 15:11, Mosiah 4:10, Doctrine & Covenants 46:7, and scores of others.
• Elder Holland - "God is anxiously waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as He always has. But He can't if you don't pray and He can't if you don't dream. In short, He can't if you don't believe." (This quote is from this amazing devotional.)
• My mom - "It never hurts to ask."
• And some pretty incredible people have asked for help - the Savior in Gethsemane, Peter when walking on water, Joseph Smith when in prison, President Hinckley on his mission, Nephi when building a boat, the brother of Jared when figuring out how to cross the ocean, Moroni when in battle, President Eyring when making career decisions, and Moses when he was feeling inadequate as a new prophet, to name a few.

So, bottom line, asking for help is good. It's good to go through the process of asking for help and it's good to receive the actual help. Asking for help can take many different forms. You may need to ask your parents or sibling or spouse or roommate for help. You may need to get down on your knees and ask a listening Heavenly Father for help. A loving bishop, other Priesthood leaders, visiting teachers, home teachers, and other friends can be asked to help. You may need to ask a medical, financial, or mental health professional for help. You may need to ask a teacher.

Whatever form it may take, I'm starting to learn that asking for help doesn't show weakness. It shows strength. It shows that you have enough self-awareness to realize there's something lacking or missing and that you have the desire and courage to make a change.

Heavenly Father is the ultimate source of help. Just as I usually know what my student needs and I'm just waiting for him to buck up a bit and ask me for help, Heavenly Father knows our hearts and desires and needs, but just wants us to come to Him and ask Him, in humility, for those things we stand in need of. While the process of asking for and receiving help may not always be my most favoritest thing, I am coming to learn that we need to ask for help in order to become who we want to be and who Heavenly Father wants us to be.

Just something I've been thinking a lot about lately.