Lesson learned: It doesn't matter what they think

I have several students who are consistently telling me what other people said about them...

"Miss Brown, he said that I was dumb."

"Miss Brown, she said that my picture looks ugly."

"Miss Brown, he said that I stole his scissors but I didn't."

My response is usually not what they're expecting...

Me: "Do you think your picture is ugly?"

Them: "No."

Me: "I don't think it is either. I can tell that you worked hard on it. So, I know that, and you know that, so let's not worry about what so-and-so thinks."

And then I give them that million dollar, first grade teacher smile and send them on their way.

Yes, I want to teach my students to say kind things to each other, but I also want my students to learn that it doesn't really matter what others think about them.

The funny thing is that I don't think very many of us ever grow out of this. Even as adults, we tend to care a whole awful lot about what other people think about us. I am The Queen of this. I care way too much about what the person I accidentally cut off on the freeway thinks about me, what my coworkers think of me, what my friends and family think of me, what my mission president thought of me, what my principal thinks of me, what my dentist thinks of me, and what my students think of me (which is silly... they're six). Yes, we should strive to be the kind of person who people look up to and think well of, but ultimately we do not have any control over other people's thoughts. I'm slowly learning that the key to happiness is to focus on what you think about yourself and what God thinks about you.

Why do we get so bent out of shape when someone doesn't think well of us? I think, for us, it's mostly a matter of pride, which is understandable. Nobody likes to look dumb or incapable or viewed in a negative light. But why do we give so much concern to what they think? They're not in our heads. They don't know the whole back story. They don't know where you're coming from or where you're going. They don't know what your intentions actually may have been. They're not you and they're not God.

With my students, they care so much about what their classmates think but their peers only see a small part of who they are. As their teacher, I know them all so well. I know what they're working on, what their skills are (or aren't), what their tendencies are, where they started, and where they are now. I am a much better judge of whether or not their picture is pretty or if they're good at math because I can see a much bigger part of who they are.

So really, if you're trying your best and doing what you can, if you feel good about it and know that Heavenly Father is pleased, then that's great and that's all that really matters. Go to your happy place and don't worry about what others think.

Lesson learned: Look for the tender mercies

One of my students came to me the other day and asked me for a band-aid. I usually have a strict "no blood, no band-aid" policy and he was definitely not bleeding. In fact, I actually had to ask him to point to where it was because I couldn't see any sign of an owie. But I decided to make an exception to my policy this time and I gave him the band-aid. I just felt like he needed it. I could tell that he wanted some attention from me and I wanted to give it to him. It was little and easy and wasn't really going to fix anything for him, but I knew that it would make him feel better.

This experience with my student reminded me how Heavenly Father shows His love for me. I haven't ever heard the words, "I love you" from Him or physically felt His arms around me. But I have had specific, individual, personal, non-coincidental blessings come at just the right moment when I needed to feel better, needed a little boost, needed to feel loved, or needed a little courage. And that is how I know He loves me.

When I was on my mission in Poland, one morning I read Elder Bednar's talk about tender mercies and it just clicked; he put into words exactly how I felt and what I had been experiencing. My favorite part in his talk was when he said, "Let me suggest that one of the ways whereby the Savior comes to each of us is through His abundant and tender mercies. For instance, as you and I face challenges and tests in our lives, the gift of faith and an appropriate sense of personal confidence that reaches beyond our own capacity are two examples of the tender mercies of the Lord. Repentance and forgiveness of sins and peace of conscience are examples of the tender mercies of the Lord. And the persistence and the fortitude that enable us to press forward with cheerfulness through physical limitations and spiritual difficulties are examples of the tender mercies of the Lord."

I loved this. I loved it because I could relate with all of the examples he gave of tender mercies, especially the "personal confidence that reaches beyond our own capacity" part. At that time on my mission, I was definitely lacking in the confidence department. I was in an area that reminded me a bit of Gotham City, I was trying (rather unsuccessfully) to speak a language full of words like szczęście and przepraszam, I was homesick, and every single day was miles out of my comfort zone. But the tender mercies were there. All along the way. I was so grateful that regardless of the size or validity of my struggle, the Lord gave me the perfectly personal "band-aids" I needed so that I could feel better, feel His love, and keep going.

So the takeaway message from all of this is to look for the tender mercies in your life. I promise they are there. The hard part is that they can easily go unnoticed, unappreciated, or labeled as a nice coincidence. If you can't see them, perhaps try asking Heavenly Father to point them out to you. I'm pretty darn sure that He would be more than willing to help you recognize and understand His love.