Lesson learned: Choose to believe

Friday was the last day before our Christmas break. It was one of those 4 advil and a diet coke kind of days, but it was fun because we did a Polar Express day for the whole first grade. This girl in my class brought a bell to school just like the one that the boy gets from Santa's sleigh in The Polar Express. She came up to me and rang the bell up next to my ear and said, "Miss Bwown! Can you heaw it? Can you heaw it winging?!" When I told her I could hear it, she exclaimed, "Miss Bwown! You bewieve!!" She then walked around the classroom and went through the same process with pretty much the whole class.

Eventually, the bell ended up on my desk for the rest of the day, but I've actually been thinking about that experience a lot over the past couple of days. Her belief was so simple: if you can hear the bell, you believe, and Santa is real. It wasn't complicated. It wasn't tainted by the world's view of things. She didn't overthink it. She didn't question how Santa gets around the world in one night or how he knows if you've been naughty or nice. She just has been told that Santa was real, she has received presents from him, she has read stories about him, and so she believes.

I try really hard to be like the girl with the bell—I believe in God because I had parents who taught me about Him, I have had spiritual experiences where I have felt His presence, I have read about Him and heard others testify of Him, and so I believe. But sometimes I have a tendency to complicate things. I start to wonder how God can really hear all of our prayers all at the same time and have a perfect plan for each of us. I listen to the world saying it's a coincidence instead of recognizing it as a tender mercy. I overcomplicate repentance and forgiveness and the Atonement. I wonder why bad things happen to good people.

But these questions never get me very far. I just end up more confused and frustrated. So instead of asking, "why?" or "how come?" I try to ask, "Will you please help me to understand this when I am ready?" And in the meantime, I choose to believe. I choose to believe that things will be made right in the end. I choose to believe that there is a loving God who is in charge and knows what is best for us. I choose to believe that forgiveness is given every single time we repent and He never grows weary of us. And I choose to believe that prayers are heard and answered no matter who we are, where we are, or what we've done.

Yes, there is certainly a place for asking questions and looking for answers. But I believe there is peace and happiness in choosing to believe, even when it doesn't all make sense... maybe especially then.

"In this Church, what we know will always trump what we do not know. And remember, in this world, everyone is to walk by faith." (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland)

Lesson learned: Trust His timing

The following is a little insight into an almost daily conversation I have with one of my students:

"Miss Brown, is it time for lunch?"

"Buddy, we've only been in school for half an hour."

"Miss Brown, is it time for lunch, now?"

"Nope, not yet. But look at the fun things we're doing right now. Let's focus on that."

"Miss Brown, I'm hungry."

"I hear ya. But it's not time yet. We're getting closer, though."

"Miss Brown, now is it time for lunch?"

"I promise I will tell you when it is time for lunch."

"Miss Brown, I think we missed lunch! The other classes are gone!"

"[With a slightly exasperated tone...] Bud. Have we ever missed lunch before? I promise I'm watching the clock and I promise I will get us to lunch at the exact right time. You need to trust me, my friend."

The following is a little insight into some common conversations I have with Heavenly Father:

"Heavenly Father, I want to get married."

"Tess, it's not time yet."

"Heavenly Father, can I please get married, now?"

"Not yet. But be grateful for all of the amazing experiences you're having right now because you're single. Focus on that instead of worrying about what you don't have."

"Heavenly Father, I'm lonely."

"I understand and I know what that feels like. But it's not time yet. Continue to have faith that it will happen."

"Heavenly Father, I've waited so long. Now can I please find someone to marry?"

"I promise it will happen when the timing is right."

"[With a slightly exasperated tone...] Heavenly Father. I'm never going to get married, am I? Everyone else is getting married/already has three kids, a house, and a dog. Why not me? Why can't I have this?"

"Tess. Have I ever led you astray before? Have I ever messed anything up for you? I promise I have a plan. I promise it will all work out and you will be grateful it worked out the way that it did. You need to trust me."

_ _ _

Just as the teacher knows exactly what time lunch will be, God knows when we will receive our most desired blessings. And just as first graders have no sense of time and would eat lunch at 9:00 if possible, we may have a difficult time understanding God's timing and wish we could have what we want, when we want it.

But we need to trust Him. God has a perfect track record. We need to trust that and remember that everything will happen when and how it's supposed to happen.

Lesson learned: Remembering = Success

My students' ability to remember things really determines how successful they'll be. If my students can remember the rules, they won't get into trouble. If my students can remember that there needs to be a sneaky "e" at the end of a long vowel word, they'll do well on their spelling test. If my students can remember the doubles song we memorized, they'll be able to go faster on their timed-math tests.

I don't expect my first graders to be pro-rememberers, so I do some things to help them out. For example, with our class rules, I have the rules hanging up on the wall and we recite them every morning. And then, throughout the day, if students forget a rule, I'll ask the class, "Oh, wait. What's our rule #6 again?" And they all say, "Everyone does everything!" And then I say, "Oh good! I thought you had forgotten! Show me that you remember." And then we try again and everyone does everything.

First grade isn't just about learning; it's really about remembering. It doesn't really matter if they knew it in the morning if they forget it by the afternoon.

It turns out, remembering is still the key to success as an adult. Unfortunately, I feel like, lately, I've been having a hard time remembering. I'm not talking about remembering where I parked my car. I'm talking about remembering and applying the truths that I've learned from others and from past experiences. For instance, I've known that God loves me since I was a three-year-old sunbeam, but then when the going gets rough and my prayers seem to go unanswered, I sometimes forget that His love is still there. Or I know that repentance and forgiveness are very real principals, but then I forget and feel guilty again for past mistakes that I've already repented of. I know that reading the scriptures and praying daily are little things that make a huge difference, but then I forget and choose to just go to bed. And I know that everything ultimately always works out how it's supposed to, but then I forget and panic and think that this time will be the exception and there's no way things will come together.

But lucky for us, Heavenly Father has given us lots of tools to help us remember. He can remind us through the gift of the Holy Ghost, scriptures, modern-day prophets, patriarchal blessings, close friends and family, challenging experiences, and, if all else fails, post-it notes on bathroom mirrors...

So my new thing is to work on remembering. Not just in the mornings when I say my prayers. Not just when I'm sitting in a sunday school lesson. Not just when everything is going swimmingly. I want to remember when things are hard. I want to remember when I mess up and make a mistake. I want to remember even when I pray for something night after night and don't get an answer.

I want to remember because I'm finally figuring out this truth: Satan wants us to forget so that we will fail and God wants us to remember so that we will succeed.

Lesson learned: Hard isn't bad

I have a kid in my class who pretty much always knows all of the answers. He reads at a third grade level, gets 100% on all of the spelling tests, knows all of the double addition facts, and has, what we like to call, "teacher" handwriting.

But then last week something happened that hadn't ever happened to him before. Things got hard.

We were learning a tricky concept in math that was very much a visual thing and he just couldn't wrap his mind around it for some reason. I could see the panic begin to set in as he realized his classmates were all starting to get it and he was still confused. As we started a worksheet to practice this new concept, he tried the first one but couldn't do it. So then he started looking at his neighbor's paper and copying her answers. After calling him out on that, his chin began to do that quivering thing and he told me, "Miss Brown, this is too hard. I can't do this."

After working with him one-on-one for a little bit, it finally clicked and he was able to finish the worksheet. But he learned more that day than just how to add. He also learned how to persevere through hard things. He learned that if he asks for help, his teacher will be there to clarify and reteach. He learned patience. He learned humility. And he learned what his fellow classmates often feel like on a daily basis.

There are times where we are like this student of mine. Things just seem to be going smoothly, we feel in control, life is good, and then suddenly we hit an obstacle; something slows us down and we're not sure what to do.

I really dislike these moments. I don't like being confused. I don't like not knowing the answers. And I don't like making mistakes. However, I know that we learn the most when things are hard. And I also know that there are certain blessings that only can come to us when things are hard.

When things are hard, we often pray more earnestly, which strengthens our relationship with Heavenly Father. When things are hard, we remember our need for the Atonement, which strengthens our relationship with the Savior. When things are hard, we build stronger relationships with those we trust as we share our struggles with them and ask for help. When things are hard, we are later able to empathize with others who go through similar things. When things are hard, we may ask for priesthood blessings, which is humbling and can strengthen our testimony of the priesthood. When things are hard, we are more willing to slow down, be still, and listen to the Spirit. When things are hard, we learn how to turn to the scriptures and our patriarchal blessings to find direction and understanding. When things are hard and we pull through it, we gain confidence in ourselves and what we are able to do with the help of the Lord (see Phillippians 4:13).

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin said, "If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness."

Bottom line: Hard isn't bad. It's through the hard that we learn, grow, are blessed, and bless others.

Lesson learned: Put on your good listening ears

As it has been for every teacher since the beginning of time, I have some students who listen and some who don't. I try my hardest to train everyone so they know that when I am talking, their voices need to be off and they need to have on their good listening ears. But still, there are always those who choose not to listen... they continue to talk to their friends, they get distracted by stuff in their desks, they just want to hurry and put the last finishing touches on their picture, or some are actually just completely oblivious to the fact that I am talking and so they don't even feel the need to listen.

We've been having a bit of a listening problem in our class the past couple of days. I got to the point where I really wanted to duct tape their mouths shut help them remember the reasons why it's important to listen. We had a little chat and came up with these reasons:

As I was looking at this web after school, I had the thought, "Am I a good listener?" And then I thought about the upcoming General Conference where we will have an opportunity to listen to the prophet of God, President Monson, and the other leaders of the Church. The first grade reasons for listening apply to listening to General Conference: we need to listen so we can know where to go, so we can hear divine instructions, so we know what to do, so we can learn new things, so we can be safe, so others can hear (feel the Spirit) around us, so we can know what the Teacher knows, so we can share with others what we have heard, so we don't get into trouble, so we don't miss an opportunity to do something good, and because we want to do things the right way.

So. Are we going to be good listeners? Are we going to give them our full attention? Or are we going to tune them out like Charlie Brown's teacher? Are we going to show up to learn? Or are we going to show up only to turn and talk to our neighbors, look at the carpet, play with stuff in our desks, and fail to really listen to the Teacher? Are we surprised when we don't listen and then are still confused in life and don't know what to do?

As a teacher, I know that my students are SO MUCH MORE SUCCESSFUL when they are completely listening to me. Yes, we can make it through life without really listening to Heavenly Father, just like my students can make it through a day without listening to me. But I know that life goes SO MUCH BETTER if we listen to the instructions Heavenly Father gives to us.

Heavenly Father is up in front of the classroom. He is teaching us what we need to know. He is telling us the questions that will be on the test and what the answers are. Are we listening?

Lesson learned: It never hurts to ask

As a teacher of six year olds, I get to help with so many things besides just "school stuff." On any given day, it is very likely that I will be zipping up zippers, tying shoes, fixing necklaces, putting hair clips back in, sharpening pencils, unclogging glue tops, opening pudding cups, putting on bandaids, turning jackets right-side out, untangling jump ropes, unscrewing water bottle lids, giving friendship advice, settling arguments, explaining the difference between "on purpose" and an accident, providing trash cans mid throw up, putting baby teeth in baggies to be taken home to the tooth fairy, etc.

If I were to only help with math, reading, and science, first grade would cease to be functional. We would most likely survive the day, but it wouldn't be very successful, the classroom would be a disaster, very little would be learned, and pudding cups would go uneaten.

Lucky for us, just as teachers help with a lot more than just the "school stuff," our Heavenly Father isn't just there to help us with the "churchy stuff." He isn't just there for the spiritual decisions, doctrinal questions, and crises of faith. He can help us in all areas of our lives. We just need to ask.

Now, I'm not one to toot my own horn, but if I were to do so, I would say that I am actually pretty good at asking Heavenly Father for help. I have been known to pray and ask for help before a date (especially when it's with a guy that I really like and I don't want to botch it), when I'm lost and late, when I'm hoping someone nice will come sit next to me, when I need my day to go as efficiently and productively as possible because I have a million things on my to-do list, when my self-confidence is lacking, when I have no appetite because I'm stressed out but really need to eat something, when the turbulence on the airplane reminds me of my first (and only) Splash Mountain experience, when I have to put my big girl pants on and defend myself to a student's parent, when I have a student who is pushing all of my buttons and my patience is gone, and when I'm trying to decide what to say to a struggling friend who needs some validation.

Sometimes, it is obvious to me that I received divine help in response to my plea. Other times, it doesn't really feel like there was any difference. But either way, it's easier for me to feel confident in my performance and in the outcomes, whatever they may be, when I know I invited Heavenly Father to help me and then did what I could.

I figure, it never hurts to ask, right? We have been promised, "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths" (Proverbs 3:6). And we have been counseled, "Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not" (Doctrine & Covenants 6:36), as well as, "cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord" (Alma 37:36). Why would we ever want to pass up an opportunity to receive divine assistance?

As with any good thing, prayer can be taken to an extreme when we start asking for help in deciding what earrings to wear, what cereal to buy, and what rug would look best in the living room. This happens with my first graders a lot. Like when they ask me if it's time to go home. At 9:30. I like to call those kinds of questions "oops" questions. However, I am positive that if we ask with a sincere heart for help with something that is important to us, Heavenly Father will listen and will give us the exact help we require at the exact time we need it.

Lesson learned: With help, you can change

I have a kid in my class this year with some pretty major ADHD going on. And when I say "pretty major," I am not exaggerating. He is constantly out of his seat, walking around the classroom, asking me off-topic questions, and distracting the other students. I know he's got extra ants in his pants, but I also have a theory that he's actually capable of more and is just used to getting away with a lot of stuff.

So this past week I began a project I like to call: Do Everything Within My Power To Get Him To Complete an Assignment. I pulled out all the tools I had in my tricky student toolbox—I put a little smiley face chart on his desk so he could see his progress, implemented the "air fist bump" technique, praised like crazy, did a lot of winking, and even got the class involved to help support him. I pretty much did everything I could to help him realize that he really can do more than he thinks he can. 

The change throughout the day was fun to watch. He needed so much support and so many reminders in the morning, but then as the day progressed, he began to catch the vision. He started checking in with me, asking me if he was doing a good job and wanted to make sure I was watching him. Then by the afternoon, instead of asking me if he was doing well, he was reporting to me and saying things like, "Miss Brown, I did it!" "I did everything today!" "I worked so hard!" I was pleasantly surprised by how well the day had gone. He was so successful because he wanted to do it and was willing to work with me.

Oh man. It's days like these that are exhausting but remind me why I love being a teacher. 

Do you have a bad habit in your life that you want to change but feel like it will be too hard to overcome or it's just too much a part of who you are? It might be something smaller, such as negative self-talk, procrastination, or judging others. Or it might be something bigger, such as an addiction or a sin.

Regardless of the size, I can promise you, from personal experience and from watching the experiences of loved ones, habits can be overcome. But I can also promise you, that you cannot do it alone. You need the help of a Teacher who has a really, really big toolbox full of the exact tools you will need in order to change. Because of the Atonement, the Savior knows what it feels like to be trapped in a bad habit; He knows how hard it is to change. However, also because of the Atonement, He can work with you to "make weak things become strong" (Ether 12:27).

The Savior knows that, at first, you will need a great deal of encouragement, support, and a strong understanding of His love for you. It's been my experience that, as soon as you turn to Him and make the first steps towards change, He will give you that support and send tender mercy after tender mercy to help you get going. As the "day" progresses, it's important for you to check in with Him to see how you're doing. The Savior will encourage you and help you see your progress so that you can catch the vision of what you are capable of. Eventually, your "confidence [will] wax strong" (Doctrine & Covenants 121:45) and you will be able to look back and see how far you've come. The key is this: you will be successful if you want to change and are willing to work with the Savior.

Here's the kicker, though. (And I actually wasn't going to tell you this because it kind of kills the moment, but I think it's true to life so I decided to include it.) The kid in my class who had that awesome day... yeah, the next day he was back to his very all-over-the-place self and refused to work with me. I mistakenly had thought that things were going to be good from now on. I thought that since he had had one really good day, for sure the next day would be good, too.

Fortunately for us, the Savior perfectly understands that breaking a habit is a process full of ups and downs and it doesn't usually just happen over the course of a day. He will be patient with us (as we also must be with ourselves) and He will give us the exact amount of support, love, and guidance we need in order to be the person He already knows we can be.

So be brave. Take a step in the right direction. Go to the Lord and make a change. Rely on His strength throughout the process. Be kind to yourself. And trust that you can do anything with His help.

Lesson learned: Sometimes we just get to be brave

Today took courage. I knew it would be that way. I knew that it would be not so hard for some and really hard for others. I saw the butterflies in their stomachs. But we just had to do it. We had to get through the first day. My first graders just got to be brave today.

They got to be brave when there were a kajillion kids running around before school started. They got to be brave when they said goodbye to their mom and walked through the front doors. They got to be brave in the cafeteria with all of the big kids. One kid got to be brave and ask for help when he realized his class had left the assembly without him. (My bad.) They got to be brave and play with kids they had never met before. They got to be brave and stay the whole day, even though it probably felt like the longest day they've ever had.

But the beauty of it all is that tomorrow will be easier. Less courage will be required. They will get used to things, they will make friends, the hallways will become familiar, and I will eventually stop calling them bud, hun, or "kid in the green shirt." They just needed to be brave today. And maybe tomorrow. And then they'll be able to do first grade.

I totally felt for my kids today because I get it. I know what mustering up courage feels like. Being brave is not one of my most favorite things. I think I thought that once we grew up, we wouldn't have to be brave anymore. Ha.

I've had to be brave so many times in the past few years. I got to be brave in college as I moved away from home and started the whole being an adult thing. I got to be brave on my mission (to the nth degree) as I approached random people on the streets and told them about the things I know to be true...in Polish. I got to be brave as I interviewed for teaching positions. And then I really got to be brave every morning as I walked into work that first year of teaching. I get to be brave in dating as I allow my heart to be put out there knowing there's a possibility of rejection and heartache. I got to be brave this weekend as I was honest with a couple of friends and told them about some things that are hard for me. And I got to be brave today as I put on my don't-worry-I-know-what-I'm-doing face and embarked on another year of teaching.

But just like my first graders who needed to just get today under their belts, I was able to do all of these things because, for just a moment, I could be brave. I just needed to get through the door, onto the plane, into the conversation, my hand in his, standing up, out of the car. In those moments where courage was required, I know that my strength came from a loving Heavenly Father who knew that I just need a little push. Elder Bednar said, "...as you and I face challenges and tests in our lives, the gift of faith and an appropriate sense of personal confidence that reaches beyond our own capacity are two examples of the tender mercies of the Lord." I love that quote.

So while it's not my favorite thing, by any stretch of the imagination, I'm learning that so. many. good. things can come from just bucking up, relying on the strength of the Lord, and being brave for just a moment. Usually that's enough to get you going (or at least get you in far enough that you're stuck and can't back out).

Lesson learned: Take a break

School life has a nice structure to it—you go to kindergarten for nine months, then you have three months off, you go to first grade for nine months, then three months off, second grade for nine months, three months off. And there are built-in breaks throughout the school day—there's morning recess, lunch recess, and as many hokey-pokeys, chicken dances, simon says, wiggle getter outters, and dance parties as I deem necessary. It's a nice system. You work hard and then you get a break.

The tricky part is when school ends. For most of the non-students and non-teachers out there, there are not built-in breaks. We move from job to job, from child to child, from task to task, from trial to trial, without a chance to come up for air. We just charge ahead at full speed, hoping that there will be a moment to breathe somewhere in the future. We put things on the back burner, saying we'll do them when such-and-such is over or when the deadline passes or when the kids are older or when we have more free time, but very seldom are we ever able to bring those things back onto a front burner.

I love teaching, but I must say that I am very grateful for the break I have had—the chance to take some things off of the back burner. I've been able to rest and recharge and reset. There is something so good about taking a break from the normal pace of things. We all need it.

I know most people don't have the luxury of a couple months off every summer, but I'm learning that there are ways to take small breaks along the way, even when you're busy. The break might be a whole day, an afternoon, a lunch break, a bathroom break, or even just a breather. As President Uchtdorf said, "We would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most."

Take a break. You will be so much happier, patient, healthier, calmer, and then productive when you do get back to work. Take a moment to take care of yourself, read a book, have a little conversation with God when you're stuck in traffic, call a friend and laugh so hard that your stomach and cheeks ache, close your eyes and take some deep breaths, listen to a favorite conference talk during your lunch break, take a quick nap (or a long one), make a list of things you want to improve, make a list of all the things you're doing right, stay in the shower for five extra minutes, sit on a bench and people-watch, do something different than your normal routine. Take a break. It will do your soul so much good.

Today is my last official day of summer break and I feel like it's perfect timing. I'm starting to get that itch again. You know... the desire to label everything, organize, color coordinate, cutesify things, laminate, and have 25 six-year olds under my care and direction seven hours a day for the next nine months. But even as the summer ends and school begins, I'm going to try really hard to remember to "slow down a little" and occasionally take a break. (Please remind me of that last sentence a couple weeks from now when I am in the thick of things, stressed out, and exhausted...)

Lesson learned: Satan's like a first-grade bully

This past year I had a student who loved to tease and annoy the other students in the class. He just got a kick out of it for some reason. He loved to push the kids' buttons and find their weak spots and make them unhappy. (I must admit that I am not really missing seeing him every day...) He especially loved to tease this one girl in my class. And, unfortunately, she made matters worse by spending too much time around him, listening to the teasing, reacting to it, and eventually coming to believe it. While I did have several conversations with this young man about how he needed to work on being a better friend, I also had many conversations with this girl, trying to explain to her that if she would ignore him and play with the other kids, he wouldn't love teasing her so much and she wouldn't be so unhappy. I wanted her to realize that while it was not nice for him to tease her, it was her choice how much she let him get to her.

While Satan is definitely more powerful and deceptive than a first grade bully, his tactics are very similar. Satan gets to know us, tries different methods to see what works best on us, and searches for our weak spots. And then the moment we give in and allow him in, he pulls us a little more to his side of the line... sometimes without us even realizing what just happened.

I'm not exactly sure why, but for some reason, it seems way easier to listen to Satan than the Spirit. I think it may be because a lot of the time it sounds more appealing, simpler, easier, popular, and, ironically, often sounds like it has more truth to it. But the more we let him in, the less control we have and the harder it is to discern right from wrong, truth from lies, the promptings of the Spirit from the desires of Satan, and we lose sight of the big picture and what we truly want.

I remember at one point, the girl in my class was feeling especially fed up with this boy and said, "I wish he could just go away and not be in our class anymore!" (Thank goodness for my teacher filter that kept me from saying that I was actually on the same page as her...)

It's the same with Satan—at times we may just wish he could go away for a little while and give us a break, but unfortunately, he's not going anywhere. We do, however, have control over how much we are around him. In first grade terms, we can make sure not to sit at his table or play in his group. We can make sure that we have good friends around us so he can't come single us out. We can ignore him the minute he starts to pick on us so that he'll come to realize that we are not going to be an easy target. And we can go to the Teacher and tell Him that we are having a hard time with Satan that day. My experience is that if I surround myself with good people, do good things, stay relatively busy, and pray for extra strength, Satan has a much harder time getting to me. It's when I'm home alone, just wasting time, and relying on my own strength that he is able to sneak his way into my thoughts.

Don't underestimate the strength and power that Satan can have if you allow him into your life. But, on the flip side, don't underestimate the strength and power that you have, magnified by the strength of the Lord, to stand up against Satan and his destructive ways.

Lesson learned: People come and go for a reason

As a teacher, it takes me a good chunk of time to decide where all my students are going to sit. I know you might think that's silly, but there's actually a lot to take into consideration! I look at personalities, levels of loudness, reading ability, boy and girl combinations, how chatty they are, how well they can (or cannot) focus, leadership and cooperation abilities, etc. It's quite the process. But I'm willing to take the time to really make it work because I know how big of a deal it is. I know that certain students need to be around other students in order for them to be successful, happy, and focused. I also know that some students need to not be around certain students in order for them to be successful, happy, and focused.

Whenever I decide it's time for a change, I wait until the school day is over and then I move all of their desks around. The next morning, the kids quickly realize they have new spots and wander around to find their desks and see who they sit by. Then the shouts of glee begin as friends discover they're sitting next to each other, quickly followed by some dramatic moans, as some discover they're sitting next to their not-so-favorite classmate and their friend is on the other side of the room. Some of the unhappy students will plead with me to switch their desks with so-and-so, but I just tell them that I really think this will be a good spot for them for now and give them a little pat on the back.

Even though the days of having our desks moved around are over, we still have similar experiences in our lives now as people come in and out of our lives. Heavenly Father is constantly moving "desks." I don't always love it when this happens since I am a big fan of things staying the same, but I take comfort in the fact that He doesn't just move desks around for kicks and giggles; He does everything with a purpose. He knows who will work well together and who won't, who needs help and who needs to be a helper, who is feeling tired and who is feeling strong, who needs a change of scenery and who needs a bit of consistency, who will bring someone down and who will lift another up, who is a good listener and who needs to work on being a good listener, who is willing to be vulnerable and who is going to remain guarded, who needs to learn something and who needs to teach something, who is very capable and who is still a beginner. He knows who needs to be next to who in order for all of us to get where we need to go and become who we need to become.

People are placed in our lives for a reason. We may not see it at first and we may even want to ask the Teacher to "switch our desks," but if we pay attention, we may be fortunate enough to see how that person is blessing our lives. On the flip side, people sometimes leave our lives for a reason. We may have a loved one pass away, a roommate move out, a significant other leave the relationship, or a family member move. Sometimes it might be because they weren't having a great influence on us. Or it might be because we have learned what we needed to from them and Heavenly Father needs us to learn something from someone else.

Right now, more than ever, I know that there are people in my life who are there for a specific purpose... old friends, new friends, past mission companions, the senior couples I taught at the MTC, the members I met in Poland, mission presidents, my bishopric, my stake presidency, siblings, parents, teachers, the guys I've dated and then broken up with, visiting teachers, visiting teachees, roommates, next door neighbors, the guy who spoke in church a few weeks ago, the girl who stopped by just to say hi, those who read my blog, extended family, co-workers, mentor teachers, and my dear first graders. It's almost unnerving how well Heavenly Father knows me and who I need in my life right now. I have been blessed by so many people and have been able to bless others simply because their desks were moved next to mine. How grateful I am that I don't always get to choose where my desk will be and that we have a Teacher who has planned out the perfect "seating chart" for all of us.

Lesson learned: Err on the side of kindness

I promise that first grade is usually a happy place, but we definitely have our share of tears. Aside from the few who cry for some extra attention, most first graders don't like crying in front of others. They bury their head in their arms. They put their hands over their face. They look up, open their eyes really wide, and try not to blink so that the tears won't spill out. They wipe away the tears super fast hoping no one will notice. They ask to get a drink so they can be alone in the hallway. Whatever the method, the reason is the same: they don't want their peers to know that they're crying. Crying is embarrassing. Cool kids don't cry. Crying means you're weak or stupid or weird. So they try to cover it up.

But since six year olds are not usually known for their slyness, the class usually notices the tears, which leads to a fair share of misunderstanding and judging. I've heard students say, "Why is Susie crying? This is easy!" or "Timmy, you're not even really bleeding." or "I don't want to play with Sam. He always cries when he looses." While sometimes they're right, a lot of the time they don't know what's really behind the tears. They don't know that Susie has a learning disorder. They don't know that Timmy never gets attention at home and so he tries to get extra at school. They don't know that Sam's parents are getting a divorce and he's not sure how to cope with it.

As adults, many of us have been working on covering up our feelings since the first grade. Our methods may have changed a bit but we have become very, very good at putting on our "I'm happy and everything's fine and my life is pulled together" face and saving our tears for alone time. There is something to that since we don't like to come across as mopey Eeyores, but what that means is that we really don't know what someone else is going through. 

President Henry B. Eyring said, "When you meet someone, treat them as if they were in serious trouble, and you will be right more than half the time." Just because someone has their "happy face" on doesn't always mean that they're really doing okay. The waitress who messed up your order, it might be her first day on the job. Your coworker who keeps on forgetting to do something you asked him to do may have a lot on his plate at home. Your professor might not be feeling well. Your bishop may be feeling particularly overwhelmed or inadequate. The upstairs neighbor maybe was short with you because she just got some bad news. Maybe he's battling depression. Maybe she's secretly struggling with an addiction to pornography. Perhaps he is trying to keep his marriage together. For all you know, she's been hurt in every other relationship and is hesitant about starting this new one. Maybe he had to stay up with his sick child all last night. Possibly, she hates her job as a telemarketer and really would prefer not to talk to you either but it's the only job she's been able to get to help support her family.  We have no idea.

I love the verse in the hymn, "Lord, I Would Follow Thee" which says,

"In the quiet heart is hidden
Sorrow that the eye can't see.
Who am I to judge another?
Lord, I would follow thee."

So I guess I'm learning two lessons from all of this... One, since we're all so good at covering things up, we rarely, if ever, have the whole picture; we do not know the behind-the-scenes. And, two, we might as well err on the side of kindness when interacting with others. Give others the benefit of the doubt. If they're going through something hard, then we'll be glad that we were nice to them. If they're not going through something hard, then we've still been nice to them and too much niceness never hurt anyone.

Lesson learned: Don't avoid endings

I was clearing off my desk the other day as I was cleaning up my classroom for the summer and I found this note tucked under a stack of papers. (The second time she uses the word "won't" she actually means "want.")

Sometimes I feel just like Baylee and I want to stay in "first grade" for another year. I don't like endings. Or beginnings, for that matter. I like the happy middle where it's comfortable and familiar. "Second grade" means a new teacher, a new classroom, new classmates, new rules, harder math, bigger words, and higher expectations. I'd rather stay where I know exactly what is expected of me and where I feel successful and confident.

But I'm starting to realize, at the ripe old age of 26, that endings are actually a good thing. Endings mean that beginnings are around the corner. Endings encourage me to change and experience new things. Endings force me to step out of my comfort zone and discover that I am capable of so much more than I realized. Endings make me rely on the strength of the Savior and less on my own strength.

Are there endings/beginnings that you're avoiding so that you can stay in "first grade" for a bit longer? Are you avoiding quitting your job and applying for a better job because it might be too much of a challenge? Or are you avoiding beginning a relationship because you don't like feeling vulnerable and it's less complicated to be single? Or perhaps are you putting off asking for help because that means that you'll have to actually start making changes in your life? Are you nervous to pray and ask Heavenly Father if He is pleased with what you're doing with your life because you're afraid that He might ask you to do something hard or uncomfortable?

Endings and beginnings are hard. I really really really really don't like them. But I like to remind myself that hard isn't bad. I can do hard things. In fact, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Philippians 4:13).

Don't stay in first grade for too long. It's very likely that you'll actually like second grade a lot better.

Lesson learned: Fear not and scoot closer

I have an autistic student who has some pretty major fears when it comes to fire drills. Fire drills make Spencer so nervous that he has his mom come in every morning with him to ask if there is going to be a fire drill that day. On Friday, we had our last fire drill of the year and on our way back into the classroom, I promised him that we were all done and he didn't have to worry about any more fire drills.

Yeah. So it turns out that I shouldn't have been so hasty in making promises. The following Monday, the whole school was invited to watch the fifth grade put on the play, The Wizard of Oz. When Dorothy and her friends finally made it to the wizard, they started using some special effects, such as a fog machine and some strobe lights. I looked over to Spencer to see how he was handling it all, and right then the fog machines set off the fire alarm. Spencer was totally panicked. I grabbed his hand and tried to reassure him as I was trying to get all of the rest of my class out of the gym in a somewhat orderly manner. It wasn't until we were outside, away from the sound, that Spencer was finally able to calm down a bit.

After everything was resolved, we went back into the gym to watch the rest of the play, but Spencer was on edge the whole time. Every time there was a flash from a parent's camera or a loud noise, he looked at me, put his hands over his ears, and scooted a bit closer to me. I reassured him that it was just a camera or just part of the play and that it wasn't another fire drill, which helped him calm down a bit, but he still looked at me out of the corner of his eye for the rest of the play. By the end of it, he was sitting right at my feet and I'm pretty sure he has no idea how Dorothy gets back to Kansas.

It might be because I'm feeling all sentimental as the school year comes to an end, but I really loved this experience. I loved that Spencer saw me as a source of comfort and reassurance. I loved that he felt like he would be safer if he was closer to me. I loved that he trusted me to help him through something that was terrifying to him. I loved that we had that kind of relationship.

Do we have that kind of relationship with the Savior? When we feel panicked, frightened, confused, abandoned, desperate, or scared, do we scoot closer to Him? Do we put our hands over our ears to block out the world and look towards the Savior for comfort and reassurance?

Fear is unfortunately a big part of my life. From small things, like waiting in line to get on Splash Mountain, to big things, like waiting in line to board the plane to go to Poland for 18 months. And I can honestly say that there is a ginormous difference in the outcome depending on whether or not I turn to the Lord in my moment of fear. Sometimes, for some silly reason, I choose to "sit on the other side of the gym" and just wallow in my fear. I let it consume me and I am miserable. Other times, I am blessed with the perspective to know that I need to stay close to the Savior and rely on His strength.

President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "Who among us can say that he or she has not felt fear? I know of no one who has been entirely spared. Some, of course, experience fear to a greater degree than do others. Some are able to rise above it quickly, but others are trapped and pulled down by it and even driven to defeat. Let us recognize that fear comes not of God, but rather that this gnawing, destructive element comes from the adversary of truth and righteousness. Let us refer to the tremendously important truths taught by Paul: “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Tim. 1:7) Let us find strength in the strength that comes from him. Let us find peace in the peace that was of the very essence of his being."

Through all of my experiences with fear, and I've had a few, I am finally learning that turning to the Savior is the only way to get through fear. My ultimate goal is to have enough faith that I do not have fear in the first place. But since I don't think that is going to be happening anytime in the near future, I am trying to be like Spencer and scoot closer to the One who has gotten me through all of the fire drills in the past and who will stay by my side until the fear has passed.

Lesson learned: Weaknesses aren't bad

Pretty much all of my students start out first grade with a big weakness... they can't read. And that's okay. I expect that. A big purpose of first grade is to learn how to read.

So yes. They have a weakness. But that doesn't mean that something is wrong with them. They (and I) are working to overcome this weakness. And they are going to grow so much as they try to overcome it.

Here are some of the things they learn while they have this weakness:

1. The rest of the class is actually in the same boat they are.
2. There are often clues on the page to help them figure out what it says, such as pictures.
3. It isn't good to focus on the hard words. They can skip them and read the words they do know.
4. They can apply the phonics rules they learned on easier words to the harder words.

5. It isn't good to compare to the other kids; they may have been reading at home since they were 2.

6. Friends who are better readers can be very helpful.
7. Miss Brown knows they can't read perfectly yet. They can ask her for help. (I may tell them the words that I know they can't figure out but I will usually make them go through steps 1-6 first.)

I don't think they would learn all of these skills if they just magically came to first grade already as perfect little readers.

And guess what! You probably saw this coming, but the same thing applies to us...

Pretty much all of us start out this life with a big weakness... [insert your weakness here]. And that's okay. God expects that. A big purpose of life is to learn how to overcome this weakness.

So yes. You have a weakness. But that doesn't mean that something is wrong with you. You (and He) are working to overcome this weakness. And you are going to grow so much as you try to overcome it.

Here are some of the things you can learn while you have this weakness:

1. Everyone is actually in the same boat you are.
2. There are ways to get around your weakness so it doesn't limit you.
3. Don't focus on the weakness; try to remember all of your strengths.
4. The experiences you've had in the past with this weakness can help you with your current struggles.
5. Don't compare yourself to others; they may have been working on this longer than you have.
6. Friends who have your weakness as a strength can be very helpful.
7. Heavenly Father understands you have this weakness. You can ask Him for help. (He may tell you the answer if He knows you can't figure it out, but He will usually make you go through steps 1-6 first.)

I don't think we would learn all of these skills if we just magically came to earth already as perfect little people.

And now for the kicker and where the analogy stops... my first graders have all pretty much overcome their "weakness" of not being able to read, but we will never overcome all of our weakness in this life. This may seem discouraging, but actually I'm beginning to realize that it's a good thing...

Sister Anne C. Pingree taught, "We can find positive meaning in weaknesses that are not taken away. Surely nothing is quite as humbling as having a weakness that we cannot overcome but must continue to struggle with throughout our life. Such a weakness teaches us, in a very personal way, that after all we can do we must rely on the grace of Christ to make up the difference.

"As we humbly submit our will to the Lord's, we will find that our weaknesses can indeed become sources of strength if we put our trust in Him" (here's the rest of Sister Pingree's talk).

So, yes. We all have weaknesses. We came that way. We were supposed to come that way. The trick is realizing it's not a bad thing and noticing the good things that come from your weakness. And, just like you would never be hard on a first grader for starting out school without being able to read, don't be hard on yourself for having weaknesses.

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

Lesson learned: We are loved more than we know

As the end of the school year approaches, I am getting excited for summer vacation, but I'm also kind of sad that my students will be moving on to second grade. I've had some really great students this year and have really come to love all of them.

 I love the ones who try really hard to be good and pay attention. I love the ones who will dance with me when we do the fish dance. I love the kids who slow down out at recess so that the kid with autism can tag them. I love the kids who still have to use their fingers to do subtraction. I love the kids who are willing to be partners with the difficult-to-be-partners-with kids. I love the students who leave notes on my desk telling me I have sparkling eyes and good clothes. I love the ones who don't understand how knock knock jokes work. I love the girl who comes back in from the bathroom and tells me that I really should talk quieter because she could hear me all the way in the bathroom. I love the kids who cry when they feel like everyone else in the class can read except them. I love the kids who are so stinkin' social that they can't stop talking to everyone at their table, no matter which table I put them at. I love the kids who I send to another teacher's classroom for a bit so we can both have a little break from each other. I love
the boy who gets in trouble on a daily basis for chewing on paper. I love the boy who talks like Eeyore and thinks everything is boring unless Transformers are involved. I love the kid who forgets to put spaces in between words and then I make him do it again and then he says he hates me. I love the kids who still mix up b and d even though we have talked about it a bazillion times. I love the kid who sits quietly and waits for all of the other kids to work on the math problem that he solved in 10 seconds.

My reason for telling you all of this is not to boast and show how amazingly loving I am. (I definitely have my moments when I don't feel like the most loving of teachers.) I do it to prove a point: If I, being an imperfect, second year teacher, with a limited amount of patience, can love these kids so much,
doesn't it make sense that God, who is the father of our spirits, as well as all-knowing, all-understanding, and perfectly forgiving, would be able to love us more than we could possibly imagine?

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "Think of the purest, most all-consuming love you can imagine. Now multiply that love by an infinite amount--that is the measure of God's love for you." (read the rest of his talk here.)

Do we understand that? Do we really believe that God loves us that much? I think that sometimes we feel as if there is some giant scoreboard in heaven that keeps track of the good and bad things we do, and the better our score is, the more God will think we're pretty great and the more He will love us. While I sometimes fall into this way of thinking, deep down, I know that God loves us all equally no matter who we are, what we do, where we live, how we act, or what we think. That's not to say
that He doesn't care if we sin, but Heavenly Father knows that we are human and we are always going to fall short of perfection, and yet He loves us anyway.

He loves those who try really hard to be the best that they can be. He loves those that remember to thank Him and those who never remember to thank Him. God loves those who repeatedly make the same mistakes over and over and over again. He still loves us even when we stop believing in Him for a time. God loves those who pretend to have it all together on the outside but really don't feel that way on the inside. God loves those who graduate top of their class, as well as those who never get into grad school. He loves the moms who sometimes lose patience with their kids. God loves those who don't think very highly of themselves. God loves those who beg for His help and then when they receive it, chalk it up to good luck and say they didn't need Him. He loves those who often doubt their faith even though they wish they could just believe. He loves us when we pray to Him and admit that we messed up that day. He loves the good people just as much as He loves the not so good people. He loves us all.

Bottom line: Even though there may be times when we have to "stay in from recess" or "go to think time" or "re-do an assignment," our Teacher still loves us more than we will ever know. We don't lose "Love Points" when we mess up. God's love is always there and always complete. Really really.

Lesson learned: Make an effort to notice

There are so many things that I do behind the scenes as a teacher so that things run smoothly ... most of which my students are completely unaware of. I set things up beforehand so that it's ready. I pre cut the circles. I divide up the math shapes so that everyone has the same amount. I think of the good examples to share because I know they will be on the test. I pair them up with a partner who can read or who they can help. I color code the baggies so they know which bag goes with which paper. I arrange their desks so that they are not next to someone who will distract them from listening or learning. Pretty much everything I do is intentional and is going to benefit my students in some way, now or in the future.

Heavenly Father is doing similar things for us in our lives so that we can do what we need to do and learn what we need to learn. We are born into a certain family on purpose. We are given specific strengths and weaknesses. Certain people come into our lives through work, relationships, friendships, roommates, church, etc. Some of them are there to help us and some are there for us to help them. He knows what tests will come to us in the future so He gives us trials now so that we can succeed later. 

My first graders benefit from my efforts and preparation but rarely, if ever, do they acknowledge it or thank me. They just don't notice it. It hasn't occurred to them that life doesn't just magically go swimmingly all of the time. 

Are we like my first graders in our ability to notice what Heavenly Father is doing for us? Do we appreciate His help and His efforts to make our lives go the way they are supposed to go? Do we notice His hand in our lives? Do we thank Him for preparing us for the future? Do we thank Him for the tender mercies that so easily go unnoticed? Do we keep in mind that He may be helping us, just as we asked Him to, but He is helping us in a different way than expected? Do we trust that everything has a reason and a purpose? Do we give Him credit for the good things that "just happen" to come our way?

What I'm trying to say is that I know God is an intentional God and He has a plan. I just need to work on remembering that and thanking Him.

Lesson learned: Change takes time. It just does.

I love first grade in the spring. The kids are chatty as all get out but I love seeing how far they have come since the beginning of the year, especially in reading.

There's a kid in my class who started out the year at about the level of a preschooler. He only knew a handful of letters and their sounds. Throughout the year, I have worked with him quite a bit, trying to help him catch up, or at least make some decent progress.

At the end of each week, I monitor his progress and the data gets entered into a graph. If I were to zoom up and look at the progress made from one week to the next, I wouldn't see much improvement and it could be discouraging, knowing all of the effort my student and I have put into improving his reading. Some weeks he improves by just a bit, other weeks he makes major jumps, some weeks he stays exactly the same, and some weeks he gets worse.

However, when I look at the big picture and compare where he started at the beginning of first grade to where he is now, I can see that he has improved. A lot. He still is way behind where he should be at the end of first grade but he is a better reader now than he was in September. 

The interesting part of all of this is that, the other day, I asked him if he thought he was a good reader. He told me no. I'm pretty sure he is comparing himself to the other students and he knows he still can't read as well as them. To help him understand really how much progress he has made, I showed him his graph, told him repeatedly that he really had improved a ton, and showed him exactly how much more he could read now than back in September.

From his perspective, he was behind in September and he is behind now, which probably doesn't feel like much progress has occurred. 

From my perspective, he has come so far.

As I've been going through this process with my student, I realized that learning to read is very similar to the process of making a major change in your life. Just like reading, change takes daily effort but the effects might not be seen on a daily basis. Change usually happens slowly over time. It just does. It involves changing your mindset, changing your habits, changing your surroundings, and changing your attitude. And it involves patience as you take two steps forward, one step back, three steps forward, one step forward, two steps back, and then another two steps forward.

It's also necessary to remember that we cannot change all by ourselves; we need the Lord to be our Teacher and to help us change completely. Gérald Caussé (First Counselor in the Presiding Bishopric) said, "If we rely only on our personal abilities, our progress is and always will remain limited. However, when we move forward in the strength of the Lord our potential for progress knows no bounds." (Read the rest of his super fabulous devotional here.) Just as my student would have made little, to no progress without working with me on a daily basis, our progress will be severely limited if we do not frequently ask the Lord to work with us as we are trying to change.

And remember, just because you can't see the change, doesn't mean it's not happening or that Heavenly Father isn't noticing your efforts. It might mean that you are checking your progress too often, comparing to others instead of to yourself, or forgetting that there needs to be consistent effort. Or it might mean that you need to ask your Teacher to let you see your graph.

Lesson learned: No mistake is unfixable

[I've had major writer's block this past week. I've started 5 different posts and none of them are clicking. So for now, here is an analogy that I used in a lesson I gave in church several months ago that actually gave me the idea for this blog. It's a bit longer than my usual post but I couldn't decide what to edit out, so feel free to skim if you'd like...]

A teacher has a project for her first grade students to complete.  The project is to cut out and decorate a snowman. There will be cutting, gluing, and some glitter involved. The students are all really excited once they see the glitter and the completed snowman the teacher created as a model. However, before handing out any of the supplies to her students, the teacher goes through all of the instructions, step by step. She explains that they will have to cut along the outline of the whole snowman very carefully. She specifically tells them not to cut any of the lines in the middle of the snowman.

Heavenly Father has a plan for us. He wants us to get married, have a loving relationship with a spouse, and create an eternal family. Through the scriptures and living prophets, He has instructed us how to use the powers of procreation correctly so we can be happy, healthy, and have an eternal family. He warns us of temptations and weaknesses that may prevent us from attaining these blessings.

The supplies are passed out to all of the students and everyone gets started. Many of the students listened carefully to the teacher’s instructions, and their snowmen are starting to look like snowmen. Other students, on the other hand, were not great listeners. Some weren’t listening because they were staring at the glitter and just couldn’t wait until they got to use it. Others weren’t listening because they thought they already knew how to do it and didn’t need any help from the teacher. Regardless of the reason for not listening, inevitably a student cuts the head clean off the body of the snowman.

As we live our lives, it is up to us if we heed the prophets’ counsel and follow the Lord’s commandment to keep the law of chastity. Some do not listen because they are more focused on what the world has to offer. Others are not listening because they feel they know better and can take care of themselves. Whatever the reason for not listening, those who do not listen may find themselves in a hard situation full of guilt, sorrow, heartache, and shame.

The student quickly realizes that an error has been made—snowmen are supposed to have three sections, not just two. He may try to fix the problem on his own, not wanting to admit to the teacher that he made a mistake. He sneaks some tape from the teacher’s desk and tries to tape the head back onto its former body. Unfortunately, six-year-old taping skills leave him with a less than desirable, somewhat-headless snowman.

Once we realize our mistake, we might try to fix it ourselves, not wanting others to know of our transgression. However, this usually involves lying, avoidance, and deceiving others, and we ultimately just end up making matters worse.

As soon as the student’s desire to get help fixing his snowman overcomes his desire to keep his error a secret, the student brings his snowman to the teacher and shows her what happened. Unbeknownst to the student, she has actually been watching the whole time. She knew he wasn’t listening as she explained the instructions. She watched as he carelessly decapitated his snowman. She saw him “sneak” the tape off her desk and watched as he tried to tape the head back on. She saw all of this, yet she listens patiently as he explains the situation to her.

When we can humble ourselves enough to realize we need help, we can turn to the Lord. Even though the Lord already has seen everything we have done and knows every detail, we still need to go through the process of admitting it to Him as well as our Priesthood leaders.

The student wants his teacher to just fix it for him, but, as any good teacher would do, she turns this situation into a learning experience. She kneels down so she can talk to him face-to-face. She asks him what he did wrong. She asks him why he made that mistake. He admits he wasn’t listening when she told the class the instructions. He tells her he was just so excited to get the snowman cut out so he could be the first to use the glitter. She tells him that he didn’t make a good choice. He looks down at his shoes and sniffs. Together, they make a plan of what he can do better next time and talk about why it’s important to listen to the instructions.

We may be looking for a quick fix, a way to just get out of the situation. The Lord knows better though. He has called Priesthood leaders who are able to talk with us face to face and help us realize the severity of our sins and feel the godly sorrow necessary during the repentance process. They work with us through this process and help us make plans for a better future.

At this point, the student is expecting the teacher to fix his botched tape job, but the teacher has a different plan. She goes to her desk and gets a brand new snowman from the stack of extra copies she had made ahead of time, knowing that someone wouldn’t listen to her instructions and would mess up. Her student’s eyes light up as he realizes he can start all over again and have a snowman that looks just like everyone else’s. No one will be able to tell he messed up. The student begins again. While he is cutting, he remembers his teacher’s instructions and the mistake he made last time, and makes sure to cut along the correct lines so he can have a whole snowman. With a smile of accomplishment, he picks up his snowman and gets in line where the teacher is passing out the glitter.

At some point during the process, we may think that we are “damaged goods;” that we will never be completely clean again. Gratefully, the Lord atoned for our sins so that we don’t have to carry around the scars of our sins after we have fully repented. We are given a clean slate and the chance to begin again. Yes, at times we remember what we did, but that remembrance, in addition to following prophetic counsel, helps us to not make the same mistake again. As we strive to live chastely and give all that we have to the Lord, He changes our hearts, helping us to become more than we ever could alone.