Lesson learned: It's okay to not completely understand

Last week, I taught my students how to tell time. This is one of my favorite things to teach because, in just one week, I'm able to open up a whole new part of the world to them that they couldn't access before. It always astounds me, though, how tricky time is to understand. 

For the first few days, I had a lot of blank stares and I-don't-get-its and confusion. But by the end of the week, pretty much everyone was able to tell time to the hour and the half hour. Interestingly though, even though a lot of them can tell time now, many of them still don't quite understand how it all works. They don't quite understand why there are 60 minutes in an hour and 60 seconds in a minute and 24 hours in a day. They don't really understand the relationship between the minute and hour hands. And they only slightly understand why 12 means both o'clock and :00 and why 6 means :30 and how to tell if it is 5:30 or 6:30 when the hour hand is right in between the 5 and the 6. But even though they don't totally get it, my students love looking at the clock and trying to figure out what time it is. They are not put off from trying due to their lack of a complete understanding.  

Carl Bloch - "Christ in Gethsemane"

This experience reminded me of my understanding of the Atonement. Even after studying quite a bit, I still am so far from really understanding it. I don't understand why it had to happen the way it happened. I don't understand how He felt all of the pains and sorrows of everyone who will ever live on this earth. I don't get how His dying made it so we can live again.

There are so many things I don't understand, but as Elder Neil L. Andersen once said in a conference talk, "You don't know everything, but you know enough." I know enough to be able to recognize the Atonement working in my life. I know the Atonement enables me to be able to do things I wouldn't be able to do on my own. I know Christ can heal our hearts and give us a clean slate. I know that because of Christ, all wrongs and injustices in this life will eventually be made right. I know that Christ understands exactly how we feel, even when we feel like nobody could possibly understand.

Last April, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland gave an incredible talk in which he said,

"Please don't hyperventilate if from time to time issues arise that need to be examined, understood, and resolved. They do and they will. In this Church, what we know will always trump what we do not know. And remember, in this world, everyone is to walk by faith."

Just as we don't fault first graders for having a limited understanding of a concept, Heavenly Father will not fault us if at times we have a first grade understanding of a divine concept. Let the things you do know and your faith carry you forward and know that a deeper understanding will come in time.

Lesson learned: I'm all for second chances

Nick had a rough day. He made some not so great choices throughout the day which meant that I was going to send a note home to his parents. He knew it was coming but when he saw me sit down at my desk and take the dreaded orange paper out of my drawer, reality finally hit. After filling out the paper, I looked around for him and saw that he was crying in the corner. When I tried to talk to him, he was doing the thing that happens when you're crying. so. hard. that. you. can't. say. more. than. one. word. without. gasping. for. air.

In this moment, I had to make a decision. Was I going to stick to my guns and send the note home which I knew would result in him getting grounded and me losing the best teacher in the world status for a little while? Or was there maybe a different lesson that could be learned here?

Since I'm all for second chances, I decided to make a deal with him. We talked about what he had done wrong, talked about what he could do better tomorrow, and then I told him that I would leave the note on my desk and we would see how tomorrow went. If it went well, I would throw away the note. If not, he would take it home tomorrow. He was super surprised by my deal but he quickly agreed, stopped hyperventilating, and packed up to go home all blotchy-faced and puffy-eyed.

Nick was a rock star the next day, the note didn't go home, he was not grounded, and I am still the best teacher in the world.

I am so grateful that we have a loving Savior who is also all for second chances (and third and fourth and fifth...). There are times when, for whatever reason, we choose not to listen to the Teacher and we give into temptation, take the easy road, follow the crowd, give into the natural man, etc.

Christ knows that even the good students may make bad choices sometimes. But He also knows what is in our hearts, He knows our divine potential, and He knows exactly how it feels to feel weak and to give into temptation. Because of that, He is pleading with us to let Him strengthen us, forgive us, and remember our sins no more (D&C 58:42).

With Nick, my goal wasn't to see him suffer. My goal was to help him learn from his mistakes, remind him that he is a good kid, and empower him to be better tomorrow. I feel like it's the same with the Savior—His goal isn't to make us suffer for our sins. He already took care of the suffering part. His goal is to help us remember who we really are, get us back on track again, and help us move past our sins and mistakes.

Talk to your Heavenly Father about what went wrong today, make a plan with Him for what you're going to do better tomorrow, and then allow Christ to give you a second chance.

And here's a wonderful Mormon Message about forgiveness and mercy. I would really recommend watching it. It's very honest and powerful.

Lesson learned: Be still

This really happened today, pretty much word for word:

Me: Today we are going to start working on a science project!
Student: What is it?
Me: Just wait, I'll explain it to you. We are going to start learning about the moon.
Student: Are we going to look at the moon every night? We did that when I was in kindergarten.
Me: Just be patient and I'll tell you. So we are going to start studying the moon and we are going to use a folder to keep track of all of the facts we learn...
Student: I didn't bring a folder. Did you tell us to bring a folder?
Me: Bud. Put your good listening ears on please and just hold on a second. We are going to make folders to save...
Student: Can my folder be red? I want it to be red because I only like red things.
Me: [I ignore that last comment (since I know all of the folders will be blue and I know he will be mad about that) and I continue on.] ... we will make folders to save all of our moon facts...
Student: But I don't know anything about the moon. This is going to be hard. I don't want to do this. I hate science.
Me: [on the inside] AHHHHH! [on the outside in my teacher voice] Buddy. Look at me. I promise I will explain everything you need to know and you're going to be able to do it. Okay?
Student: Okay.
Me: Great. Now pretty please zip your lips until I'm done explaining everything.

Have you ever had this kind of conversation with Heavenly Father? I feel like I do this all of the time. When I'm beginning a new life challenge or a trial has come my way, I am very quick to interrupt the process and say, "Wait. What? What is this?" Heavenly Father may begin to explain but I'm quick to jump in again. I complain that I've already been through something hard or I've already learned this lesson and I don't want to do it again. And then, again, I may get reassurance that it will be okay, but I choose to ignore it and I panic, decide that I don't have any faith, tell Him I'm not cut out for this, and I'm done.

It's at this moment that I have a decision to make. Am I going to remember that the Teacher is in charge and knows the plan? Or am I going to keep stressing and assume I know what's going on?

We may not know the end from the beginning or know what our "moon folder" will end up looking like, but we can know that Heavenly Father is perfectly in charge.

Now, in my experience today with my student, at the end, I told him to zip his lips and wait until I was done. I feel like this is different with us and Heavenly Father. He, unlike me, never runs thin on patience and is never tired of hearing from us. We are welcome to pray and ask for assurance and explanation as much as we feel we need to. Sometimes He may answer and give us a bit of an insight. However, He may ask us to go by faith for a little while and "be still and know that [He is] God." (Psalm 46:10)

At those times, when He asks us to go by faith, we can pray a lot, focus on the things that we do have control over, look back at times when we've successfully made it through other struggles, and listen to "Be Still My Soul" on repeat.

Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;

With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend

Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Lesson learned: Don't pull the band-aid off too soon

Today a kid biffed it in my class. He kind of deserved it, to be honest. He was running even though I've told him a hundred times to please use his walking feet. I wanted to say, "See? That's what you get for running in the classroom." But luckily my teacher filter kicked in and I helped him up, showed some sympathy, said something teachery like "Bud, that's why I tell you to walk in the classroom, I want you to be safe," and then got him a band-aid for his rug-burned elbow.

Pause. Analogy moment.

Sometimes, as adults, we get hurt and need a band-aid. We're probably not skinning our knees or getting rug burns on our elbows, but we might be hurting because of loneliness, weaknesses, sin, the choices of others, financial hardship, doubt, unmet expectations, depression, etc. We have two options at this point. We can leave the wound open, but that ultimately just makes the pain and injury worse. Or we can apply some Neosporin (the Atonement) and then cover it with a band-aid, or if needed, several band-aids (ask for help, remove the temptation, pray, make a change, read the scriptures, surround yourself with uplifting friends, stay busy, serve others, etc.).

Back to first grade.

The kid wouldn't leave the band-aid alone. I tried to explain to him that it would feel better if he left the band-aid on but he wanted to see what it looked like so he pulled off half of it and then the band-aid lost its stickiness and then he was trying to get it to stick again and then he said it didn't hurt anymore and then he pulled it off and then he realized that actually it still does sting now that the air was touching it again and then he asked for another band-aid which I only gave him after he pinky promised me that he would not touch it until he got home.

Back to us and the point I'm trying to make.

Just like my six year olds, we often want to pull the band-aid off too soon. We might want to pull it off to prove to ourselves (and/or others) that we aren't actually hurt. Or, maybe the sting is gone and so we assume that it must be all better and we're done with the healing process.

But pulling off the band-aid prematurely can cause major problems. If we take away our support systems, place ourselves back in a tempting situation, rely on our own strength instead of the strength of the Atonement, stop asking for help, dwell too much on the mistake we (or others) made, or sit at home alone, we are most likely going to open up the wound again and halt the healing process.

And then, even worse, some of us (meaning me) will pull off the band-aid, have a good look at it, and then proceed to pour lemon juice on it. We forget that we've already healed a bit and are getting back on track, and we start to think about the guilt or shame or unhappiness we felt when we first got hurt. We relive the injury. We begin to doubt that we will ever fully be healed because, look, it still hurts when I push on it. We dwell on the pain of the past instead of focusing on the healing that will (and already began to) occur.

If we really want to heal and move on, I am learning that we need to stop dwelling on it and reliving it, allow the Atonement to work within us, realize perfection is a process, and just give it time.

Or, in first grade terminology... Leave the band-aid(s) on for a while, don't keep on checking to see what it looks like every two minutes, leave the lemon juice in the fridge, and give yourself time to heal.