Lesson learned: The small things actually do matter

Yesterday was one of those days where I started out feeling like...

By lunch time, I was feeling more like...

And by 3:00, I felt like...

The bell couldn't ring soon enough for me. I wanted the day to end and the kids to leave. Nobody was listening, the classroom was a mess, I hadn't taught half the things I wanted to, and I felt like if one more kid did one more thing, I was going to completely lose it. Thankfully, the bell did ring and the kids did leave and it was quiet for the first time since the kids had arrived that morning. I sat down at my desk, put my head down in my arms, and just soaked in the silence.

As I sat there, I thought back over the day and tried to figure out what had gone wrong. At first, I was blaming it all on the kids—"She was just on one today." "I don't think he took his meds this morning." "She just couldn't stop talking!" "I don't know what his deal was." But then it hit me that pretty much from morning recess on, I hadn't really been using any of the good teacher skills I know I should use. I was giving way more negative feedback than positive feedback, I wasn't using wait time, I wasn't setting my expectations, I wasn't being consistent and following through with consequences, and I was giving too many warnings to some and then coming down too hard on others without much warning at all.

Why had I disregarded all of those simple techniques that I know can be so effective? Was it out of forgetfulness? laziness? stubbornness? I think it boiled down to the fact that I was tired and I just wanted my students to be good and listen on their own with no effort on my part because I'm their teacher and that's what students should do. (Yeah. That doesn't work with first graders.)

Do we do this when life gets hard? Do we blame others, blame the situation, and/or blame God before looking introspectively to see if we may actually be making things worse, or at least not making things any better? Are there some small things we are forgetting, or perhaps, purposefully choosing not to do out of laziness or pride?

Just as there are always going to be tricky students in my class, life is always going to have some difficult things in it. But, as I was reminded of yesterday, choosing not to do the small things can make a hard situation so much worse. Continuing to do the small things will make a big difference, especially when we don't want to and especially when things are hard. 

During a particularly rough day or time in life, instead of going the blaming route, maybe we can ask ourselves—Did I read my scriptures this morning? Did I take the time to pray and humbly ask for help while also remembering my blessings? Have I been to the temple recently? Have I thought about anyone else besides myself in the past 24 hours? Did I get enough sleep last night? Am I taking care of myself physically and emotionally? No? Hmmm.... Maybe this doesn't need to be as bad as it is?

Remember... "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass" (Alma 37:6).

P.S. Today was much more along the lines of Mary Poppins, in case you were wondering. :)

Lesson learned: It's good that it isn't the same

I keep on feeling that in order for life to be fair it should be like a standardized test; we should all have the same test with the same level of difficulty. If my #5 problem is 6+5=?, then your #5 problem should be 6+5=?. If my test gets progressively harder, so should yours. If I've had three weeks to study for the test, you should have that same amount of time to prepare. And if I need at least a score of 80% to pass, then that should be the score you need in order to pass, too. This perspective was neat and tidy and made sense to me.

But then I look at what life is really like and I get all confused. I have a friend who has lost both of her parents and I have both of mine. That doesn't seem fair. I have a friend who is 32 and desperately wants to get married and I have a friend who got married at age 19 to the first guy she met at BYU. That doesn't seem fair. I have friends who experience same-sex attraction and choose to fight every single day to stay true to what they believe is right. That doesn't seem fair. Some women get pregnant "on accident" and others try for years and spend thousands of dollars and still are never able to have a baby. That doesn't seem fair. I have students who come to school in their pajamas, smelling heavily of cigarette smoke and students who come to school in the latest J. Crew Kids outfit and perfect pigtails. That doesn't seem fair.

Sometimes I get frustrated that life seems so much harder for some than for others. I feel like if we're all ultimately going through this "test of life" so we can live with God again, shouldn't we all have the same kind of test?

So I've been confused.

Until last week... when I wrote report cards.

As I was writing, I realized that a lot of what I do as a teacher is whatever I decide will help each individual student learn the material. I look at where they started when they first came to my class. I look at the parent support they have at home. I look at their learning styles and interests. I look at how hard they've been working in class. And then I decide what they need in order to succeed. Some kids need more support. Some kids need to go over the fundamentals again. Some kids need to be stretched because they're already getting all of the answers right. Some kids need to be taught the lesson in a different way. And some kids need to know they're doing great and right on track.

I feel like this same principal applies to the trials and struggles we go through in life; they are catered specifically to what we need so that we can learn and grow. It's a good thing that we don't all have the same problems and that God doesn't simply assign points to everybody using some kind of heavenly grading scale — "You successfully got through this trial. 10 points for you. She had the same trial but really struggled through it. 6 points for her. Great. Let's all move on to the next one" — He looks at the whole picture. He knows your weaknesses, the trials you've gone through, your family life, the blessings you've received, your strengths, your weaknesses, the supportive friends you do or don't have, your potential. And He knows what you need next in your life in order for you to be successful and ultimately pass this earthly test.