Lesson learned: Weaknesses aren't bad

Pretty much all of my students start out first grade with a big weakness... they can't read. And that's okay. I expect that. A big purpose of first grade is to learn how to read.

So yes. They have a weakness. But that doesn't mean that something is wrong with them. They (and I) are working to overcome this weakness. And they are going to grow so much as they try to overcome it.

Here are some of the things they learn while they have this weakness:

1. The rest of the class is actually in the same boat they are.
2. There are often clues on the page to help them figure out what it says, such as pictures.
3. It isn't good to focus on the hard words. They can skip them and read the words they do know.
4. They can apply the phonics rules they learned on easier words to the harder words.

5. It isn't good to compare to the other kids; they may have been reading at home since they were 2.

6. Friends who are better readers can be very helpful.
7. Miss Brown knows they can't read perfectly yet. They can ask her for help. (I may tell them the words that I know they can't figure out but I will usually make them go through steps 1-6 first.)

I don't think they would learn all of these skills if they just magically came to first grade already as perfect little readers.

And guess what! You probably saw this coming, but the same thing applies to us...

Pretty much all of us start out this life with a big weakness... [insert your weakness here]. And that's okay. God expects that. A big purpose of life is to learn how to overcome this weakness.

So yes. You have a weakness. But that doesn't mean that something is wrong with you. You (and He) are working to overcome this weakness. And you are going to grow so much as you try to overcome it.

Here are some of the things you can learn while you have this weakness:

1. Everyone is actually in the same boat you are.
2. There are ways to get around your weakness so it doesn't limit you.
3. Don't focus on the weakness; try to remember all of your strengths.
4. The experiences you've had in the past with this weakness can help you with your current struggles.
5. Don't compare yourself to others; they may have been working on this longer than you have.
6. Friends who have your weakness as a strength can be very helpful.
7. Heavenly Father understands you have this weakness. You can ask Him for help. (He may tell you the answer if He knows you can't figure it out, but He will usually make you go through steps 1-6 first.)

I don't think we would learn all of these skills if we just magically came to earth already as perfect little people.

And now for the kicker and where the analogy stops... my first graders have all pretty much overcome their "weakness" of not being able to read, but we will never overcome all of our weakness in this life. This may seem discouraging, but actually I'm beginning to realize that it's a good thing...

Sister Anne C. Pingree taught, "We can find positive meaning in weaknesses that are not taken away. Surely nothing is quite as humbling as having a weakness that we cannot overcome but must continue to struggle with throughout our life. Such a weakness teaches us, in a very personal way, that after all we can do we must rely on the grace of Christ to make up the difference.

"As we humbly submit our will to the Lord's, we will find that our weaknesses can indeed become sources of strength if we put our trust in Him" (here's the rest of Sister Pingree's talk).

So, yes. We all have weaknesses. We came that way. We were supposed to come that way. The trick is realizing it's not a bad thing and noticing the good things that come from your weakness. And, just like you would never be hard on a first grader for starting out school without being able to read, don't be hard on yourself for having weaknesses.

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

Lesson learned: We are loved more than we know

As the end of the school year approaches, I am getting excited for summer vacation, but I'm also kind of sad that my students will be moving on to second grade. I've had some really great students this year and have really come to love all of them.

 I love the ones who try really hard to be good and pay attention. I love the ones who will dance with me when we do the fish dance. I love the kids who slow down out at recess so that the kid with autism can tag them. I love the kids who still have to use their fingers to do subtraction. I love the kids who are willing to be partners with the difficult-to-be-partners-with kids. I love the students who leave notes on my desk telling me I have sparkling eyes and good clothes. I love the ones who don't understand how knock knock jokes work. I love the girl who comes back in from the bathroom and tells me that I really should talk quieter because she could hear me all the way in the bathroom. I love the kids who cry when they feel like everyone else in the class can read except them. I love the kids who are so stinkin' social that they can't stop talking to everyone at their table, no matter which table I put them at. I love the kids who I send to another teacher's classroom for a bit so we can both have a little break from each other. I love
the boy who gets in trouble on a daily basis for chewing on paper. I love the boy who talks like Eeyore and thinks everything is boring unless Transformers are involved. I love the kid who forgets to put spaces in between words and then I make him do it again and then he says he hates me. I love the kids who still mix up b and d even though we have talked about it a bazillion times. I love the kid who sits quietly and waits for all of the other kids to work on the math problem that he solved in 10 seconds.

My reason for telling you all of this is not to boast and show how amazingly loving I am. (I definitely have my moments when I don't feel like the most loving of teachers.) I do it to prove a point: If I, being an imperfect, second year teacher, with a limited amount of patience, can love these kids so much,
doesn't it make sense that God, who is the father of our spirits, as well as all-knowing, all-understanding, and perfectly forgiving, would be able to love us more than we could possibly imagine?

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "Think of the purest, most all-consuming love you can imagine. Now multiply that love by an infinite amount--that is the measure of God's love for you." (read the rest of his talk here.)

Do we understand that? Do we really believe that God loves us that much? I think that sometimes we feel as if there is some giant scoreboard in heaven that keeps track of the good and bad things we do, and the better our score is, the more God will think we're pretty great and the more He will love us. While I sometimes fall into this way of thinking, deep down, I know that God loves us all equally no matter who we are, what we do, where we live, how we act, or what we think. That's not to say
that He doesn't care if we sin, but Heavenly Father knows that we are human and we are always going to fall short of perfection, and yet He loves us anyway.

He loves those who try really hard to be the best that they can be. He loves those that remember to thank Him and those who never remember to thank Him. God loves those who repeatedly make the same mistakes over and over and over again. He still loves us even when we stop believing in Him for a time. God loves those who pretend to have it all together on the outside but really don't feel that way on the inside. God loves those who graduate top of their class, as well as those who never get into grad school. He loves the moms who sometimes lose patience with their kids. God loves those who don't think very highly of themselves. God loves those who beg for His help and then when they receive it, chalk it up to good luck and say they didn't need Him. He loves those who often doubt their faith even though they wish they could just believe. He loves us when we pray to Him and admit that we messed up that day. He loves the good people just as much as He loves the not so good people. He loves us all.

Bottom line: Even though there may be times when we have to "stay in from recess" or "go to think time" or "re-do an assignment," our Teacher still loves us more than we will ever know. We don't lose "Love Points" when we mess up. God's love is always there and always complete. Really really.

Lesson learned: Make an effort to notice

There are so many things that I do behind the scenes as a teacher so that things run smoothly ... most of which my students are completely unaware of. I set things up beforehand so that it's ready. I pre cut the circles. I divide up the math shapes so that everyone has the same amount. I think of the good examples to share because I know they will be on the test. I pair them up with a partner who can read or who they can help. I color code the baggies so they know which bag goes with which paper. I arrange their desks so that they are not next to someone who will distract them from listening or learning. Pretty much everything I do is intentional and is going to benefit my students in some way, now or in the future.

Heavenly Father is doing similar things for us in our lives so that we can do what we need to do and learn what we need to learn. We are born into a certain family on purpose. We are given specific strengths and weaknesses. Certain people come into our lives through work, relationships, friendships, roommates, church, etc. Some of them are there to help us and some are there for us to help them. He knows what tests will come to us in the future so He gives us trials now so that we can succeed later. 

My first graders benefit from my efforts and preparation but rarely, if ever, do they acknowledge it or thank me. They just don't notice it. It hasn't occurred to them that life doesn't just magically go swimmingly all of the time. 

Are we like my first graders in our ability to notice what Heavenly Father is doing for us? Do we appreciate His help and His efforts to make our lives go the way they are supposed to go? Do we notice His hand in our lives? Do we thank Him for preparing us for the future? Do we thank Him for the tender mercies that so easily go unnoticed? Do we keep in mind that He may be helping us, just as we asked Him to, but He is helping us in a different way than expected? Do we trust that everything has a reason and a purpose? Do we give Him credit for the good things that "just happen" to come our way?

What I'm trying to say is that I know God is an intentional God and He has a plan. I just need to work on remembering that and thanking Him.

Lesson learned: Change takes time. It just does.

I love first grade in the spring. The kids are chatty as all get out but I love seeing how far they have come since the beginning of the year, especially in reading.

There's a kid in my class who started out the year at about the level of a preschooler. He only knew a handful of letters and their sounds. Throughout the year, I have worked with him quite a bit, trying to help him catch up, or at least make some decent progress.

At the end of each week, I monitor his progress and the data gets entered into a graph. If I were to zoom up and look at the progress made from one week to the next, I wouldn't see much improvement and it could be discouraging, knowing all of the effort my student and I have put into improving his reading. Some weeks he improves by just a bit, other weeks he makes major jumps, some weeks he stays exactly the same, and some weeks he gets worse.

However, when I look at the big picture and compare where he started at the beginning of first grade to where he is now, I can see that he has improved. A lot. He still is way behind where he should be at the end of first grade but he is a better reader now than he was in September. 

The interesting part of all of this is that, the other day, I asked him if he thought he was a good reader. He told me no. I'm pretty sure he is comparing himself to the other students and he knows he still can't read as well as them. To help him understand really how much progress he has made, I showed him his graph, told him repeatedly that he really had improved a ton, and showed him exactly how much more he could read now than back in September.

From his perspective, he was behind in September and he is behind now, which probably doesn't feel like much progress has occurred. 

From my perspective, he has come so far.

As I've been going through this process with my student, I realized that learning to read is very similar to the process of making a major change in your life. Just like reading, change takes daily effort but the effects might not be seen on a daily basis. Change usually happens slowly over time. It just does. It involves changing your mindset, changing your habits, changing your surroundings, and changing your attitude. And it involves patience as you take two steps forward, one step back, three steps forward, one step forward, two steps back, and then another two steps forward.

It's also necessary to remember that we cannot change all by ourselves; we need the Lord to be our Teacher and to help us change completely. Gérald Caussé (First Counselor in the Presiding Bishopric) said, "If we rely only on our personal abilities, our progress is and always will remain limited. However, when we move forward in the strength of the Lord our potential for progress knows no bounds." (Read the rest of his super fabulous devotional here.) Just as my student would have made little, to no progress without working with me on a daily basis, our progress will be severely limited if we do not frequently ask the Lord to work with us as we are trying to change.

And remember, just because you can't see the change, doesn't mean it's not happening or that Heavenly Father isn't noticing your efforts. It might mean that you are checking your progress too often, comparing to others instead of to yourself, or forgetting that there needs to be consistent effort. Or it might mean that you need to ask your Teacher to let you see your graph.

Lesson learned: No mistake is unfixable

[I've had major writer's block this past week. I've started 5 different posts and none of them are clicking. So for now, here is an analogy that I used in a lesson I gave in church several months ago that actually gave me the idea for this blog. It's a bit longer than my usual post but I couldn't decide what to edit out, so feel free to skim if you'd like...]

A teacher has a project for her first grade students to complete.  The project is to cut out and decorate a snowman. There will be cutting, gluing, and some glitter involved. The students are all really excited once they see the glitter and the completed snowman the teacher created as a model. However, before handing out any of the supplies to her students, the teacher goes through all of the instructions, step by step. She explains that they will have to cut along the outline of the whole snowman very carefully. She specifically tells them not to cut any of the lines in the middle of the snowman.

Heavenly Father has a plan for us. He wants us to get married, have a loving relationship with a spouse, and create an eternal family. Through the scriptures and living prophets, He has instructed us how to use the powers of procreation correctly so we can be happy, healthy, and have an eternal family. He warns us of temptations and weaknesses that may prevent us from attaining these blessings.

The supplies are passed out to all of the students and everyone gets started. Many of the students listened carefully to the teacher’s instructions, and their snowmen are starting to look like snowmen. Other students, on the other hand, were not great listeners. Some weren’t listening because they were staring at the glitter and just couldn’t wait until they got to use it. Others weren’t listening because they thought they already knew how to do it and didn’t need any help from the teacher. Regardless of the reason for not listening, inevitably a student cuts the head clean off the body of the snowman.

As we live our lives, it is up to us if we heed the prophets’ counsel and follow the Lord’s commandment to keep the law of chastity. Some do not listen because they are more focused on what the world has to offer. Others are not listening because they feel they know better and can take care of themselves. Whatever the reason for not listening, those who do not listen may find themselves in a hard situation full of guilt, sorrow, heartache, and shame.

The student quickly realizes that an error has been made—snowmen are supposed to have three sections, not just two. He may try to fix the problem on his own, not wanting to admit to the teacher that he made a mistake. He sneaks some tape from the teacher’s desk and tries to tape the head back onto its former body. Unfortunately, six-year-old taping skills leave him with a less than desirable, somewhat-headless snowman.

Once we realize our mistake, we might try to fix it ourselves, not wanting others to know of our transgression. However, this usually involves lying, avoidance, and deceiving others, and we ultimately just end up making matters worse.

As soon as the student’s desire to get help fixing his snowman overcomes his desire to keep his error a secret, the student brings his snowman to the teacher and shows her what happened. Unbeknownst to the student, she has actually been watching the whole time. She knew he wasn’t listening as she explained the instructions. She watched as he carelessly decapitated his snowman. She saw him “sneak” the tape off her desk and watched as he tried to tape the head back on. She saw all of this, yet she listens patiently as he explains the situation to her.

When we can humble ourselves enough to realize we need help, we can turn to the Lord. Even though the Lord already has seen everything we have done and knows every detail, we still need to go through the process of admitting it to Him as well as our Priesthood leaders.

The student wants his teacher to just fix it for him, but, as any good teacher would do, she turns this situation into a learning experience. She kneels down so she can talk to him face-to-face. She asks him what he did wrong. She asks him why he made that mistake. He admits he wasn’t listening when she told the class the instructions. He tells her he was just so excited to get the snowman cut out so he could be the first to use the glitter. She tells him that he didn’t make a good choice. He looks down at his shoes and sniffs. Together, they make a plan of what he can do better next time and talk about why it’s important to listen to the instructions.

We may be looking for a quick fix, a way to just get out of the situation. The Lord knows better though. He has called Priesthood leaders who are able to talk with us face to face and help us realize the severity of our sins and feel the godly sorrow necessary during the repentance process. They work with us through this process and help us make plans for a better future.

At this point, the student is expecting the teacher to fix his botched tape job, but the teacher has a different plan. She goes to her desk and gets a brand new snowman from the stack of extra copies she had made ahead of time, knowing that someone wouldn’t listen to her instructions and would mess up. Her student’s eyes light up as he realizes he can start all over again and have a snowman that looks just like everyone else’s. No one will be able to tell he messed up. The student begins again. While he is cutting, he remembers his teacher’s instructions and the mistake he made last time, and makes sure to cut along the correct lines so he can have a whole snowman. With a smile of accomplishment, he picks up his snowman and gets in line where the teacher is passing out the glitter.

At some point during the process, we may think that we are “damaged goods;” that we will never be completely clean again. Gratefully, the Lord atoned for our sins so that we don’t have to carry around the scars of our sins after we have fully repented. We are given a clean slate and the chance to begin again. Yes, at times we remember what we did, but that remembrance, in addition to following prophetic counsel, helps us to not make the same mistake again. As we strive to live chastely and give all that we have to the Lord, He changes our hearts, helping us to become more than we ever could alone.