Lesson learned: Err on the side of kindness

I promise that first grade is usually a happy place, but we definitely have our share of tears. Aside from the few who cry for some extra attention, most first graders don't like crying in front of others. They bury their head in their arms. They put their hands over their face. They look up, open their eyes really wide, and try not to blink so that the tears won't spill out. They wipe away the tears super fast hoping no one will notice. They ask to get a drink so they can be alone in the hallway. Whatever the method, the reason is the same: they don't want their peers to know that they're crying. Crying is embarrassing. Cool kids don't cry. Crying means you're weak or stupid or weird. So they try to cover it up.

But since six year olds are not usually known for their slyness, the class usually notices the tears, which leads to a fair share of misunderstanding and judging. I've heard students say, "Why is Susie crying? This is easy!" or "Timmy, you're not even really bleeding." or "I don't want to play with Sam. He always cries when he looses." While sometimes they're right, a lot of the time they don't know what's really behind the tears. They don't know that Susie has a learning disorder. They don't know that Timmy never gets attention at home and so he tries to get extra at school. They don't know that Sam's parents are getting a divorce and he's not sure how to cope with it.

As adults, many of us have been working on covering up our feelings since the first grade. Our methods may have changed a bit but we have become very, very good at putting on our "I'm happy and everything's fine and my life is pulled together" face and saving our tears for alone time. There is something to that since we don't like to come across as mopey Eeyores, but what that means is that we really don't know what someone else is going through. 

President Henry B. Eyring said, "When you meet someone, treat them as if they were in serious trouble, and you will be right more than half the time." Just because someone has their "happy face" on doesn't always mean that they're really doing okay. The waitress who messed up your order, it might be her first day on the job. Your coworker who keeps on forgetting to do something you asked him to do may have a lot on his plate at home. Your professor might not be feeling well. Your bishop may be feeling particularly overwhelmed or inadequate. The upstairs neighbor maybe was short with you because she just got some bad news. Maybe he's battling depression. Maybe she's secretly struggling with an addiction to pornography. Perhaps he is trying to keep his marriage together. For all you know, she's been hurt in every other relationship and is hesitant about starting this new one. Maybe he had to stay up with his sick child all last night. Possibly, she hates her job as a telemarketer and really would prefer not to talk to you either but it's the only job she's been able to get to help support her family.  We have no idea.

I love the verse in the hymn, "Lord, I Would Follow Thee" which says,

"In the quiet heart is hidden
Sorrow that the eye can't see.
Who am I to judge another?
Lord, I would follow thee."

So I guess I'm learning two lessons from all of this... One, since we're all so good at covering things up, we rarely, if ever, have the whole picture; we do not know the behind-the-scenes. And, two, we might as well err on the side of kindness when interacting with others. Give others the benefit of the doubt. If they're going through something hard, then we'll be glad that we were nice to them. If they're not going through something hard, then we've still been nice to them and too much niceness never hurt anyone.