Lesson learned: Fear not and scoot closer

I have an autistic student who has some pretty major fears when it comes to fire drills. Fire drills make Spencer so nervous that he has his mom come in every morning with him to ask if there is going to be a fire drill that day. On Friday, we had our last fire drill of the year and on our way back into the classroom, I promised him that we were all done and he didn't have to worry about any more fire drills.

Yeah. So it turns out that I shouldn't have been so hasty in making promises. The following Monday, the whole school was invited to watch the fifth grade put on the play, The Wizard of Oz. When Dorothy and her friends finally made it to the wizard, they started using some special effects, such as a fog machine and some strobe lights. I looked over to Spencer to see how he was handling it all, and right then the fog machines set off the fire alarm. Spencer was totally panicked. I grabbed his hand and tried to reassure him as I was trying to get all of the rest of my class out of the gym in a somewhat orderly manner. It wasn't until we were outside, away from the sound, that Spencer was finally able to calm down a bit.

After everything was resolved, we went back into the gym to watch the rest of the play, but Spencer was on edge the whole time. Every time there was a flash from a parent's camera or a loud noise, he looked at me, put his hands over his ears, and scooted a bit closer to me. I reassured him that it was just a camera or just part of the play and that it wasn't another fire drill, which helped him calm down a bit, but he still looked at me out of the corner of his eye for the rest of the play. By the end of it, he was sitting right at my feet and I'm pretty sure he has no idea how Dorothy gets back to Kansas.

It might be because I'm feeling all sentimental as the school year comes to an end, but I really loved this experience. I loved that Spencer saw me as a source of comfort and reassurance. I loved that he felt like he would be safer if he was closer to me. I loved that he trusted me to help him through something that was terrifying to him. I loved that we had that kind of relationship.

Do we have that kind of relationship with the Savior? When we feel panicked, frightened, confused, abandoned, desperate, or scared, do we scoot closer to Him? Do we put our hands over our ears to block out the world and look towards the Savior for comfort and reassurance?

Fear is unfortunately a big part of my life. From small things, like waiting in line to get on Splash Mountain, to big things, like waiting in line to board the plane to go to Poland for 18 months. And I can honestly say that there is a ginormous difference in the outcome depending on whether or not I turn to the Lord in my moment of fear. Sometimes, for some silly reason, I choose to "sit on the other side of the gym" and just wallow in my fear. I let it consume me and I am miserable. Other times, I am blessed with the perspective to know that I need to stay close to the Savior and rely on His strength.

President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "Who among us can say that he or she has not felt fear? I know of no one who has been entirely spared. Some, of course, experience fear to a greater degree than do others. Some are able to rise above it quickly, but others are trapped and pulled down by it and even driven to defeat. Let us recognize that fear comes not of God, but rather that this gnawing, destructive element comes from the adversary of truth and righteousness. Let us refer to the tremendously important truths taught by Paul: “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Tim. 1:7) Let us find strength in the strength that comes from him. Let us find peace in the peace that was of the very essence of his being."

Through all of my experiences with fear, and I've had a few, I am finally learning that turning to the Savior is the only way to get through fear. My ultimate goal is to have enough faith that I do not have fear in the first place. But since I don't think that is going to be happening anytime in the near future, I am trying to be like Spencer and scoot closer to the One who has gotten me through all of the fire drills in the past and who will stay by my side until the fear has passed.