Lesson learned: Stick with it

My brother gave us a waffle iron for a wedding gift. Waffle irons are great. They assist in creating wonderful waffly goodness for us to enjoy. But new waffle irons are also a tricky thing. I am usually overeager the first time and I pour too much batter and it oozes all over the sides and I end up making a waffle with a tu-tu. So then I make an adjustment the second time but end up pouring too little which results in the fun-size waffle chip. Then it's (hopefully) by the third time that I finally get my act together and pour the right amount of batter for the perfectly filled out, well-rounded waffle.

Sometimes in life, apart from waffle-making, I am tempted to give up after the first try. After the first week of classes in a new semester, after the first day at a new job, after the first month on the mission, after the first Sunday in a new ward. I feel like it's too hard, it's not like what I'm used to, I'm never going to get the hang of it, it's not what I expected, and I want to go back to where everything was familiar and where I knew all of the answers.

But just like with the waffles, I'm learning that if I stick with it, I generally figure things out and things get better. A lot of the time, for me, it's the fear of the unknown and the discomfort of new-ness that makes me want to quit. But if I can have faith and hang in there long enough to learn from my mistakes, make adjustments, include the Lord in the process, and try again, the skies the limit and I can do anything. I just need to give it a chance. Give it one more day, give it one more try, give it one more transfer, give it one more Sunday, give it one more go. And then it will get better or easier or more comfortable or I will know more.

Right now I have a lot of new in my life. I have a new job, a new husband, a new apartment in a new state, a new temperature outside, a new ward, and a new way of living. Most of the time I'm happy. Most of the time I love it and feel blessed beyond words. But sometimes it feels like a lot. Sometimes it feels like I used to be able to make wonderful waffles but now I have a new iron and I won't ever be able to figure out how to make that perfect waffle again. But then past experience tells me that I need to stick with it and give myself a chance to figure things out and give the Lord a chance to work things out for my good.

Because that's what we do. We sign up for hard things or we have hard things put on our plate, and then we stick with it. And eventually, with the Lord's help and some patience and maybe some mistakes, things get better and we figure out how much batter to pour in our new waffle iron.

Lesson learned: It might not be picture-perfect

My husband, Trevor, and I moved down to Arizona a month ago so he could attend medical school. I really despise moving, but with lots of help from friends and family, it ended up being not too bad. Except for the part when we had the "piano movers" move our piano into our second-floor apartment.

I put "piano movers" in quotation marks because when they showed up, we discovered that they weren't really piano movers. They were just two strong guys that were good at moving things. I was a little apprehensive about the situation, but they acted confident and they were there and we needed the piano moved, so we decided to let them do it.

Their first plan was to kind of strap the piano to their bodies and then just carry it up. That didn't work because there's a corner in the stairs. So then they decided to carry it up until the corner and then tilt it on its side to make the turn. That didn't work either. And then they decided to take the legs off of the piano, flip it upside down, and then carry it up. At this point I went into the bedroom, shut the door, and tried to think happy thoughts. A few minutes later, Trevor told me I could come out and I breathed a sigh of relief. There were a few scratches and dings on it and the whole experience hadn't gone how I had pictured it going, but we ultimately ended up with a piano in our apartment.

I'm guessing you've had a similar experience to this. The experience when you think you know how things are going to go, you feel like you have a plan, you think you know best... but then nothing goes according to plan. In the middle of it, it feels hard and confusing and frustrating and you might pray and ask God why things aren't working out for you. But then, with time and patience and faith, things work out. They always do. Every single time. It's not always simple or convenient or quick or picture-perfect but it ultimately works out exactly how it's supposed to.

Take my dating/marriage experience for example... It wasn't at all how I had planned. Trevor and I met online. That's not a cute story. We only dated for 9 weeks before getting engaged. That's awfully fast. I was traveling in Europe for 3 weeks of our engagement. You're not supposed to be thousands of miles away from your fiancé. We got married in the Bountiful temple. The Salt Lake temple was closed. And then we moved away from friends and family. I'm a homebody.

But the important thing for me to remember is that it all worked out. I found my eternal companion and we got married. That was the important part. That was the blessing. That was what we had both been praying for over the past year. And it happened exactly how it needed to happen. Heavenly Father knew I needed things to move along quickly so I could just make a decision, moved forward with faith, and get married, instead of having all the time in the world to second-guess myself.

So I guess my point is... don't get discouraged if you have to flip your metaphorical piano upside down to get it up your metaphorical staircase. Sometimes that's how life goes. Sometimes you go through 4 different majors, 6 years of school, and 2 jobs before you finally figure out what you want to do with your life. Sometimes you go through fertility treatments and adoption before you have a child. Sometimes you wait until you're 38 to get married. Sometimes things happen quickly. Sometimes things happen super slowly. But it's all okay because we know that God is in control and has a plan which means that eventually we will get up the staircase and the piano will end up in the apartment.

P.S. Credit for the inspiration of this post goes to my wonderful husband.

Lesson learned: The small things actually do matter

Yesterday was one of those days where I started out feeling like...

By lunch time, I was feeling more like...

And by 3:00, I felt like...

The bell couldn't ring soon enough for me. I wanted the day to end and the kids to leave. Nobody was listening, the classroom was a mess, I hadn't taught half the things I wanted to, and I felt like if one more kid did one more thing, I was going to completely lose it. Thankfully, the bell did ring and the kids did leave and it was quiet for the first time since the kids had arrived that morning. I sat down at my desk, put my head down in my arms, and just soaked in the silence.

As I sat there, I thought back over the day and tried to figure out what had gone wrong. At first, I was blaming it all on the kids—"She was just on one today." "I don't think he took his meds this morning." "She just couldn't stop talking!" "I don't know what his deal was." But then it hit me that pretty much from morning recess on, I hadn't really been using any of the good teacher skills I know I should use. I was giving way more negative feedback than positive feedback, I wasn't using wait time, I wasn't setting my expectations, I wasn't being consistent and following through with consequences, and I was giving too many warnings to some and then coming down too hard on others without much warning at all.

Why had I disregarded all of those simple techniques that I know can be so effective? Was it out of forgetfulness? laziness? stubbornness? I think it boiled down to the fact that I was tired and I just wanted my students to be good and listen on their own with no effort on my part because I'm their teacher and that's what students should do. (Yeah. That doesn't work with first graders.)

Do we do this when life gets hard? Do we blame others, blame the situation, and/or blame God before looking introspectively to see if we may actually be making things worse, or at least not making things any better? Are there some small things we are forgetting, or perhaps, purposefully choosing not to do out of laziness or pride?

Just as there are always going to be tricky students in my class, life is always going to have some difficult things in it. But, as I was reminded of yesterday, choosing not to do the small things can make a hard situation so much worse. Continuing to do the small things will make a big difference, especially when we don't want to and especially when things are hard. 

During a particularly rough day or time in life, instead of going the blaming route, maybe we can ask ourselves—Did I read my scriptures this morning? Did I take the time to pray and humbly ask for help while also remembering my blessings? Have I been to the temple recently? Have I thought about anyone else besides myself in the past 24 hours? Did I get enough sleep last night? Am I taking care of myself physically and emotionally? No? Hmmm.... Maybe this doesn't need to be as bad as it is?

Remember... "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass" (Alma 37:6).

P.S. Today was much more along the lines of Mary Poppins, in case you were wondering. :)

Lesson learned: With help, you can change

I have a kid in my class this year with some pretty major ADHD going on. And when I say "pretty major," I am not exaggerating. He is constantly out of his seat, walking around the classroom, asking me off-topic questions, and distracting the other students. I know he's got extra ants in his pants, but I also have a theory that he's actually capable of more and is just used to getting away with a lot of stuff.

So this past week I began a project I like to call: Do Everything Within My Power To Get Him To Complete an Assignment. I pulled out all the tools I had in my tricky student toolbox—I put a little smiley face chart on his desk so he could see his progress, implemented the "air fist bump" technique, praised like crazy, did a lot of winking, and even got the class involved to help support him. I pretty much did everything I could to help him realize that he really can do more than he thinks he can. 

The change throughout the day was fun to watch. He needed so much support and so many reminders in the morning, but then as the day progressed, he began to catch the vision. He started checking in with me, asking me if he was doing a good job and wanted to make sure I was watching him. Then by the afternoon, instead of asking me if he was doing well, he was reporting to me and saying things like, "Miss Brown, I did it!" "I did everything today!" "I worked so hard!" I was pleasantly surprised by how well the day had gone. He was so successful because he wanted to do it and was willing to work with me.

Oh man. It's days like these that are exhausting but remind me why I love being a teacher. 

Do you have a bad habit in your life that you want to change but feel like it will be too hard to overcome or it's just too much a part of who you are? It might be something smaller, such as negative self-talk, procrastination, or judging others. Or it might be something bigger, such as an addiction or a sin.

Regardless of the size, I can promise you, from personal experience and from watching the experiences of loved ones, habits can be overcome. But I can also promise you, that you cannot do it alone. You need the help of a Teacher who has a really, really big toolbox full of the exact tools you will need in order to change. Because of the Atonement, the Savior knows what it feels like to be trapped in a bad habit; He knows how hard it is to change. However, also because of the Atonement, He can work with you to "make weak things become strong" (Ether 12:27).

The Savior knows that, at first, you will need a great deal of encouragement, support, and a strong understanding of His love for you. It's been my experience that, as soon as you turn to Him and make the first steps towards change, He will give you that support and send tender mercy after tender mercy to help you get going. As the "day" progresses, it's important for you to check in with Him to see how you're doing. The Savior will encourage you and help you see your progress so that you can catch the vision of what you are capable of. Eventually, your "confidence [will] wax strong" (Doctrine & Covenants 121:45) and you will be able to look back and see how far you've come. The key is this: you will be successful if you want to change and are willing to work with the Savior.

Here's the kicker, though. (And I actually wasn't going to tell you this because it kind of kills the moment, but I think it's true to life so I decided to include it.) The kid in my class who had that awesome day... yeah, the next day he was back to his very all-over-the-place self and refused to work with me. I mistakenly had thought that things were going to be good from now on. I thought that since he had had one really good day, for sure the next day would be good, too.

Fortunately for us, the Savior perfectly understands that breaking a habit is a process full of ups and downs and it doesn't usually just happen over the course of a day. He will be patient with us (as we also must be with ourselves) and He will give us the exact amount of support, love, and guidance we need in order to be the person He already knows we can be.

So be brave. Take a step in the right direction. Go to the Lord and make a change. Rely on His strength throughout the process. Be kind to yourself. And trust that you can do anything with His help.