Lesson learned: I'm all for second chances

Nick had a rough day. He made some not so great choices throughout the day which meant that I was going to send a note home to his parents. He knew it was coming but when he saw me sit down at my desk and take the dreaded orange paper out of my drawer, reality finally hit. After filling out the paper, I looked around for him and saw that he was crying in the corner. When I tried to talk to him, he was doing the thing that happens when you're crying. so. hard. that. you. can't. say. more. than. one. word. without. gasping. for. air.

In this moment, I had to make a decision. Was I going to stick to my guns and send the note home which I knew would result in him getting grounded and me losing the best teacher in the world status for a little while? Or was there maybe a different lesson that could be learned here?

Since I'm all for second chances, I decided to make a deal with him. We talked about what he had done wrong, talked about what he could do better tomorrow, and then I told him that I would leave the note on my desk and we would see how tomorrow went. If it went well, I would throw away the note. If not, he would take it home tomorrow. He was super surprised by my deal but he quickly agreed, stopped hyperventilating, and packed up to go home all blotchy-faced and puffy-eyed.

Nick was a rock star the next day, the note didn't go home, he was not grounded, and I am still the best teacher in the world.

I am so grateful that we have a loving Savior who is also all for second chances (and third and fourth and fifth...). There are times when, for whatever reason, we choose not to listen to the Teacher and we give into temptation, take the easy road, follow the crowd, give into the natural man, etc.

Christ knows that even the good students may make bad choices sometimes. But He also knows what is in our hearts, He knows our divine potential, and He knows exactly how it feels to feel weak and to give into temptation. Because of that, He is pleading with us to let Him strengthen us, forgive us, and remember our sins no more (D&C 58:42).

With Nick, my goal wasn't to see him suffer. My goal was to help him learn from his mistakes, remind him that he is a good kid, and empower him to be better tomorrow. I feel like it's the same with the Savior—His goal isn't to make us suffer for our sins. He already took care of the suffering part. His goal is to help us remember who we really are, get us back on track again, and help us move past our sins and mistakes.

Talk to your Heavenly Father about what went wrong today, make a plan with Him for what you're going to do better tomorrow, and then allow Christ to give you a second chance.

And here's a wonderful Mormon Message about forgiveness and mercy. I would really recommend watching it. It's very honest and powerful.

Lesson learned: Some days are just practice days

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post about giving a test in my class. While tests are important in school, the majority of school days in a year are not test days. Most days we are learning and practicing skills, which usually involves some worksheets. When I already have a pretty good idea of who is understanding the concept and who isn't, instead of collecting the worksheets, I tell the students,
"If you feel like you did your very best, draw a smiley face on the top and put it in your cubby."

Most of my students will draw a smiley face on top and put it in their cubbies without a second thought. A few of my perfectionists, however, will come to me and say, "But Miss Brown, I didn't finish!" or "Miss Brown, I got three of them wrong." or "Miss Brown, it doesn't look like yours." To all of which, I respond, "Did you do your best?" "Yes." "Did you try your hardest?" "Yes." "Great! Put a smiley face on the top and put it in your cubby!" They don't realize that we are going to practice the exact same thing again tomorrow and the next day and the next day after that. They feel like the skill needs to be perfectly mastered today.

Many of us are perfectionists. We want to be perfect and do things perfectly, but then we find that we are consistently falling short. We feel that we have failed some kind of test. Heavenly Father knows that we are in the process of learning and He is not expecting perfection yet. He knows that more "worksheets" are coming. He simply wants to see that we are trying, that we are improving, and that we are moving forward. That's the point of practice. He doesn't expect perfect mastery from the get go.

We all just need to try our best. And my biggest thing is that I need to stop comparing my best to others' bests and to my own bests of the past. What I am capable of right now is different than what you are capable of right now and it's different than what I was capable of when I was three, when I was thirteen, when I was a missionary, during my first year of teaching, or yesterday. There may be a few slackers out there (and, no, you are not one of them) who just slide on by with as little effort as possible. But I feel like the majority of people are really trying to do their best that they can in that moment.

So why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we always feel that we need to do better? There is certainly a place for self-reflection and determining what improvements can be made, but, at the same time, I feel like it would be good for us to remember that not every day is test day. Some days are just practice days. 

It's okay if our worksheet isn't completely done or if we got a few of the answers wrong or if we didn't quite reach perfection today. We just need to do the best that we can right now, in the time we are allotted, with the resources we are given, and the knowledge we have. Did you do your best? Did you try your hardest? Okay then. Draw a smiley face on the top and put it in your cubby.

Lesson Learned: Ask for help. It helps.

There's this kid in my class who is a teacher's pet to a T. He wants to help me with everything. He told me he wants to be a first grade teacher when he grows up. He does things for me without being asked. He volunteers to be in charge when I leave the classroom. He makes sure he's at the end of the line at the end of the day so he can be the last one to tell me goodbye. He always tries to sit next to me or walk next to me in line. (If only all the men in my life were as attentive...) And, lately, he has been wearing his picture on his belt loop just like how I wear my teacher ID.

The tricky thing with this kid is that if I ever have to discipline him or if he doesn't get something, he takes it so hard and instantly goes into major sulking mode. And sometimes he decides to sulk just because. (I'm starting to think that he does it because he knows he'll get some extra attention from me when he does it which is really super.) I'll ask him what's wrong but he never tells me. He'll just keep his head down in his arms and won't look up at me. So my technique as of last has been to tell him,

"If you don't tell me what's wrong, I can't help you."

And then I do the I'm-going-to-ignore-the-behavior-and-hope-he-stops-doing-it-soon thing. He usually figures out quickly that I really am going to keep ignoring him unless he comes to me and tells me why he's frustrated or what he needs. The majority of the time, I actually already know exactly what the problem is, but I am trying to teach him the skill that if you don't ask for help or say what you need, it's hard for people to help you.

Ironically enough, I feel like I'm currently going through this exact same learning process in my life but it's not coming from my first grade teacher.

I can see it so clearly when I am the teacher but it seems so much harder when I am the student.

I feel like it's hard for me, and a lot of adults, to ask for help when it's needed. We want to look like we have it figured out and pulled together. Asking for help implies weakness, imperfection, and lack of ability. It requires humility, openness, and willingness to learn. I am slowly coming to realize that, even though it's not my favorite, asking for help is a necessity.

Here is proof I have found that we are supposed to ask for help and that asking for help is good for us:

• Bible Dictionary on prayer: "The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them."
• Matthew 7:7 - "Ask, and it shall be given you." Along with James 1:5, 1 Nephi 15:11, Mosiah 4:10, Doctrine & Covenants 46:7, and scores of others.
• Elder Holland - "God is anxiously waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as He always has. But He can't if you don't pray and He can't if you don't dream. In short, He can't if you don't believe." (This quote is from this amazing devotional.)
• My mom - "It never hurts to ask."
• And some pretty incredible people have asked for help - the Savior in Gethsemane, Peter when walking on water, Joseph Smith when in prison, President Hinckley on his mission, Nephi when building a boat, the brother of Jared when figuring out how to cross the ocean, Moroni when in battle, President Eyring when making career decisions, and Moses when he was feeling inadequate as a new prophet, to name a few.

So, bottom line, asking for help is good. It's good to go through the process of asking for help and it's good to receive the actual help. Asking for help can take many different forms. You may need to ask your parents or sibling or spouse or roommate for help. You may need to get down on your knees and ask a listening Heavenly Father for help. A loving bishop, other Priesthood leaders, visiting teachers, home teachers, and other friends can be asked to help. You may need to ask a medical, financial, or mental health professional for help. You may need to ask a teacher.

Whatever form it may take, I'm starting to learn that asking for help doesn't show weakness. It shows strength. It shows that you have enough self-awareness to realize there's something lacking or missing and that you have the desire and courage to make a change.

Heavenly Father is the ultimate source of help. Just as I usually know what my student needs and I'm just waiting for him to buck up a bit and ask me for help, Heavenly Father knows our hearts and desires and needs, but just wants us to come to Him and ask Him, in humility, for those things we stand in need of. While the process of asking for and receiving help may not always be my most favoritest thing, I am coming to learn that we need to ask for help in order to become who we want to be and who Heavenly Father wants us to be.

Just something I've been thinking a lot about lately.