Lesson learned: He wants to see us succeed

When I was a freshman at BYU, I took Chem 101 from Dr. Zimmerman. I'm pretty sure this class was designed to weed out the strong from the weak. It was a huge class full of pre-med and pre-nursing students, and then the rest of us who were just trying to fill our GE requirement. This class frustrated me. We were graded on a bell curve. It wasn't okay for the whole class to get A's. It was expected that half of the class would get a B or worse. The professor got up, taught the material (aka read the powerpoint slides out loud), and then we were basically on our own to figure it out. The tests didn't match the homework problems. And Dr. Zimmerman had no idea who I was, didn't care if I showed up to class, and didn't care about how I did in the class.

Compare this to second grade.

In second grade, the teacher knows all of her students by name, knows their strengths and weaknesses, knows who their friends are, knows what they need to succeed, and knows where they should sit in the classroom. The teacher would be o-ver-joyed if all of her students got 100% on the test. The teacher carefully designs each lesson to meet the variety of needs in the classroom so she can best help each student. And the curriculum is intentionally designed so that all students will be able to succeed and will be ready for third grade.

Thank goodness life isn't like Chem 101. I'm thinking this life is a lot more like second grade.

Heavenly Father wants us to succeed. That is His sole purpose. He didn't set us up to fail. Why would He create a plan where only a teeny tiny percentage would be able to return to live with Him again? Yes, there are standards we must meet, and, yes, we need to put forth a lot of effort, and, yes, there are going to be difficult tests along the way. But Heavenly Father has set up everything in this life to help us, just as a second grade teacher wants to help her students.

In this last General Conference, Elder J. Devn Cornish gave a talk that explained this principal really well: "The God of heaven is not a heartless referee looking for any excuse to throw us out of the game. He is our perfectly loving Father, who yearns more than anything else to have all of His children come back home and live with Him as families forever. He truly gave His Only Begotten Son that we might not perish but have everlasting life! Please believe, and please take hope and comfort from, this eternal truth. Our Heavenly Father intends for us to make it! That is His work and His glory."

I love how encouraging and simple that is. This talk made me realize that more people are going to make it to the Celestial Kingdom than we may think. If we work hard, honestly do our best, and keep our covenants, we're going to make it.

So keep at it.

Lesson learned: There is help close by

Last week my second graders were working on opinion writing. They had to write an advertisement for their favorite drink and then present their writing to the class. Mostly everyone was okay with it, except for one girl. The idea of standing up in front of the class terrified her. When her turn came, she was already in tears and wanted me to skip her. I finally got her to come up to the front by telling the class to turn around and face the back of the classroom and offering that I could stand next to her. After she saw that no one was looking, she came up, she leaned up against my side, I put my hand on her shoulder, and she read her paper to the class. After she finished, she smiled, sat down, and the class gave her our class cheer— the ten finger woo.

I love that she did it. I love that she learned that she can do hard things. And I love that my standing next to her strengthened her. I didn't say anything. I didn't read it for her. I didn't tell her she didn't need to do it. I just stood next to her, put my arm around her, and she was able to do it.

In one of my favorite talks, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said, "My beloved brothers and sisters, I testify of angels, both the heavenly and the mortal kind. In doing so I am testifying that God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face... On occasions, global or personal, we may feel we are distanced from God, shut out from heaven, lost, alone in dark and dreary places. Often enough that distress can be of our own making, but even then the Father of us all is watching and assisting. And always there are those angels who come and go all around us, seen and unseen, known and unknown, mortal and immortal... Occasionally the angelic purpose is to warn. But most often it is to comfort, to provide some form of merciful attention, guidance in difficult times."

And in Doctrine & Covenants 84:88 it says, "I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up."

I love this idea. I like to believe that there are angels close by, right next to us, supporting us with their arms around us, helping us get through the hard things, just like I did for my student.

For me, I gain strength and confidence when I can actually, physically hold on to someone or be near them. Like when a friend puts her arm around me when I'm sad or when Trevor squeezes my hand when I'm nervous or when someone touches my arm when they're talking to me. I need that physical touch, that closeness, that proximity. But sometimes we don't have someone close by to hold on to. Sometimes we are alone. Or we feel alone. It's at those times that we can lean up against the heavenly help that is all around us to gain that needed strength, confidence, or comfort.

I know that help from the other side of the veil is available to us because I have experienced it. I felt that angelic help as I boarded the plane to go to Poland to start my mission. I felt it as I drove home after my appointment when I found out I was going to have a miscarriage. I felt it when the nurse told Trevor it was time for him to go before I went into surgery. And I felt it yesterday at school after I offered a heartfelt prayer in the bathroom during lunch when I wasn't sure if I would be able to finish what was turning into a rough day with my second graders.

Heavenly help is there. And it's close by.

Lesson learned: It might not be picture-perfect

My husband, Trevor, and I moved down to Arizona a month ago so he could attend medical school. I really despise moving, but with lots of help from friends and family, it ended up being not too bad. Except for the part when we had the "piano movers" move our piano into our second-floor apartment.

I put "piano movers" in quotation marks because when they showed up, we discovered that they weren't really piano movers. They were just two strong guys that were good at moving things. I was a little apprehensive about the situation, but they acted confident and they were there and we needed the piano moved, so we decided to let them do it.

Their first plan was to kind of strap the piano to their bodies and then just carry it up. That didn't work because there's a corner in the stairs. So then they decided to carry it up until the corner and then tilt it on its side to make the turn. That didn't work either. And then they decided to take the legs off of the piano, flip it upside down, and then carry it up. At this point I went into the bedroom, shut the door, and tried to think happy thoughts. A few minutes later, Trevor told me I could come out and I breathed a sigh of relief. There were a few scratches and dings on it and the whole experience hadn't gone how I had pictured it going, but we ultimately ended up with a piano in our apartment.

I'm guessing you've had a similar experience to this. The experience when you think you know how things are going to go, you feel like you have a plan, you think you know best... but then nothing goes according to plan. In the middle of it, it feels hard and confusing and frustrating and you might pray and ask God why things aren't working out for you. But then, with time and patience and faith, things work out. They always do. Every single time. It's not always simple or convenient or quick or picture-perfect but it ultimately works out exactly how it's supposed to.

Take my dating/marriage experience for example... It wasn't at all how I had planned. Trevor and I met online. That's not a cute story. We only dated for 9 weeks before getting engaged. That's awfully fast. I was traveling in Europe for 3 weeks of our engagement. You're not supposed to be thousands of miles away from your fiancé. We got married in the Bountiful temple. The Salt Lake temple was closed. And then we moved away from friends and family. I'm a homebody.

But the important thing for me to remember is that it all worked out. I found my eternal companion and we got married. That was the important part. That was the blessing. That was what we had both been praying for over the past year. And it happened exactly how it needed to happen. Heavenly Father knew I needed things to move along quickly so I could just make a decision, moved forward with faith, and get married, instead of having all the time in the world to second-guess myself.

So I guess my point is... don't get discouraged if you have to flip your metaphorical piano upside down to get it up your metaphorical staircase. Sometimes that's how life goes. Sometimes you go through 4 different majors, 6 years of school, and 2 jobs before you finally figure out what you want to do with your life. Sometimes you go through fertility treatments and adoption before you have a child. Sometimes you wait until you're 38 to get married. Sometimes things happen quickly. Sometimes things happen super slowly. But it's all okay because we know that God is in control and has a plan which means that eventually we will get up the staircase and the piano will end up in the apartment.

P.S. Credit for the inspiration of this post goes to my wonderful husband.

Lesson learned: It doesn't matter what they think

I have several students who are consistently telling me what other people said about them...

"Miss Brown, he said that I was dumb."

"Miss Brown, she said that my picture looks ugly."

"Miss Brown, he said that I stole his scissors but I didn't."

My response is usually not what they're expecting...

Me: "Do you think your picture is ugly?"

Them: "No."

Me: "I don't think it is either. I can tell that you worked hard on it. So, I know that, and you know that, so let's not worry about what so-and-so thinks."

And then I give them that million dollar, first grade teacher smile and send them on their way.

Yes, I want to teach my students to say kind things to each other, but I also want my students to learn that it doesn't really matter what others think about them.

The funny thing is that I don't think very many of us ever grow out of this. Even as adults, we tend to care a whole awful lot about what other people think about us. I am The Queen of this. I care way too much about what the person I accidentally cut off on the freeway thinks about me, what my coworkers think of me, what my friends and family think of me, what my mission president thought of me, what my principal thinks of me, what my dentist thinks of me, and what my students think of me (which is silly... they're six). Yes, we should strive to be the kind of person who people look up to and think well of, but ultimately we do not have any control over other people's thoughts. I'm slowly learning that the key to happiness is to focus on what you think about yourself and what God thinks about you.

Why do we get so bent out of shape when someone doesn't think well of us? I think, for us, it's mostly a matter of pride, which is understandable. Nobody likes to look dumb or incapable or viewed in a negative light. But why do we give so much concern to what they think? They're not in our heads. They don't know the whole back story. They don't know where you're coming from or where you're going. They don't know what your intentions actually may have been. They're not you and they're not God.

With my students, they care so much about what their classmates think but their peers only see a small part of who they are. As their teacher, I know them all so well. I know what they're working on, what their skills are (or aren't), what their tendencies are, where they started, and where they are now. I am a much better judge of whether or not their picture is pretty or if they're good at math because I can see a much bigger part of who they are.

So really, if you're trying your best and doing what you can, if you feel good about it and know that Heavenly Father is pleased, then that's great and that's all that really matters. Go to your happy place and don't worry about what others think.

Lesson learned: Look for the tender mercies

One of my students came to me the other day and asked me for a band-aid. I usually have a strict "no blood, no band-aid" policy and he was definitely not bleeding. In fact, I actually had to ask him to point to where it was because I couldn't see any sign of an owie. But I decided to make an exception to my policy this time and I gave him the band-aid. I just felt like he needed it. I could tell that he wanted some attention from me and I wanted to give it to him. It was little and easy and wasn't really going to fix anything for him, but I knew that it would make him feel better.

This experience with my student reminded me how Heavenly Father shows His love for me. I haven't ever heard the words, "I love you" from Him or physically felt His arms around me. But I have had specific, individual, personal, non-coincidental blessings come at just the right moment when I needed to feel better, needed a little boost, needed to feel loved, or needed a little courage. And that is how I know He loves me.

When I was on my mission in Poland, one morning I read Elder Bednar's talk about tender mercies and it just clicked; he put into words exactly how I felt and what I had been experiencing. My favorite part in his talk was when he said, "Let me suggest that one of the ways whereby the Savior comes to each of us is through His abundant and tender mercies. For instance, as you and I face challenges and tests in our lives, the gift of faith and an appropriate sense of personal confidence that reaches beyond our own capacity are two examples of the tender mercies of the Lord. Repentance and forgiveness of sins and peace of conscience are examples of the tender mercies of the Lord. And the persistence and the fortitude that enable us to press forward with cheerfulness through physical limitations and spiritual difficulties are examples of the tender mercies of the Lord."

I loved this. I loved it because I could relate with all of the examples he gave of tender mercies, especially the "personal confidence that reaches beyond our own capacity" part. At that time on my mission, I was definitely lacking in the confidence department. I was in an area that reminded me a bit of Gotham City, I was trying (rather unsuccessfully) to speak a language full of words like szczęście and przepraszam, I was homesick, and every single day was miles out of my comfort zone. But the tender mercies were there. All along the way. I was so grateful that regardless of the size or validity of my struggle, the Lord gave me the perfectly personal "band-aids" I needed so that I could feel better, feel His love, and keep going.

So the takeaway message from all of this is to look for the tender mercies in your life. I promise they are there. The hard part is that they can easily go unnoticed, unappreciated, or labeled as a nice coincidence. If you can't see them, perhaps try asking Heavenly Father to point them out to you. I'm pretty darn sure that He would be more than willing to help you recognize and understand His love.

Lesson learned: It's good that it isn't the same

I keep on feeling that in order for life to be fair it should be like a standardized test; we should all have the same test with the same level of difficulty. If my #5 problem is 6+5=?, then your #5 problem should be 6+5=?. If my test gets progressively harder, so should yours. If I've had three weeks to study for the test, you should have that same amount of time to prepare. And if I need at least a score of 80% to pass, then that should be the score you need in order to pass, too. This perspective was neat and tidy and made sense to me.

But then I look at what life is really like and I get all confused. I have a friend who has lost both of her parents and I have both of mine. That doesn't seem fair. I have a friend who is 32 and desperately wants to get married and I have a friend who got married at age 19 to the first guy she met at BYU. That doesn't seem fair. I have friends who experience same-sex attraction and choose to fight every single day to stay true to what they believe is right. That doesn't seem fair. Some women get pregnant "on accident" and others try for years and spend thousands of dollars and still are never able to have a baby. That doesn't seem fair. I have students who come to school in their pajamas, smelling heavily of cigarette smoke and students who come to school in the latest J. Crew Kids outfit and perfect pigtails. That doesn't seem fair.

Sometimes I get frustrated that life seems so much harder for some than for others. I feel like if we're all ultimately going through this "test of life" so we can live with God again, shouldn't we all have the same kind of test?

So I've been confused.

Until last week... when I wrote report cards.

As I was writing, I realized that a lot of what I do as a teacher is whatever I decide will help each individual student learn the material. I look at where they started when they first came to my class. I look at the parent support they have at home. I look at their learning styles and interests. I look at how hard they've been working in class. And then I decide what they need in order to succeed. Some kids need more support. Some kids need to go over the fundamentals again. Some kids need to be stretched because they're already getting all of the answers right. Some kids need to be taught the lesson in a different way. And some kids need to know they're doing great and right on track.

I feel like this same principal applies to the trials and struggles we go through in life; they are catered specifically to what we need so that we can learn and grow. It's a good thing that we don't all have the same problems and that God doesn't simply assign points to everybody using some kind of heavenly grading scale — "You successfully got through this trial. 10 points for you. She had the same trial but really struggled through it. 6 points for her. Great. Let's all move on to the next one" — He looks at the whole picture. He knows your weaknesses, the trials you've gone through, your family life, the blessings you've received, your strengths, your weaknesses, the supportive friends you do or don't have, your potential. And He knows what you need next in your life in order for you to be successful and ultimately pass this earthly test.

Lesson learned: Choose to believe

Friday was the last day before our Christmas break. It was one of those 4 advil and a diet coke kind of days, but it was fun because we did a Polar Express day for the whole first grade. This girl in my class brought a bell to school just like the one that the boy gets from Santa's sleigh in The Polar Express. She came up to me and rang the bell up next to my ear and said, "Miss Bwown! Can you heaw it? Can you heaw it winging?!" When I told her I could hear it, she exclaimed, "Miss Bwown! You bewieve!!" She then walked around the classroom and went through the same process with pretty much the whole class.

Eventually, the bell ended up on my desk for the rest of the day, but I've actually been thinking about that experience a lot over the past couple of days. Her belief was so simple: if you can hear the bell, you believe, and Santa is real. It wasn't complicated. It wasn't tainted by the world's view of things. She didn't overthink it. She didn't question how Santa gets around the world in one night or how he knows if you've been naughty or nice. She just has been told that Santa was real, she has received presents from him, she has read stories about him, and so she believes.

I try really hard to be like the girl with the bell—I believe in God because I had parents who taught me about Him, I have had spiritual experiences where I have felt His presence, I have read about Him and heard others testify of Him, and so I believe. But sometimes I have a tendency to complicate things. I start to wonder how God can really hear all of our prayers all at the same time and have a perfect plan for each of us. I listen to the world saying it's a coincidence instead of recognizing it as a tender mercy. I overcomplicate repentance and forgiveness and the Atonement. I wonder why bad things happen to good people.

But these questions never get me very far. I just end up more confused and frustrated. So instead of asking, "why?" or "how come?" I try to ask, "Will you please help me to understand this when I am ready?" And in the meantime, I choose to believe. I choose to believe that things will be made right in the end. I choose to believe that there is a loving God who is in charge and knows what is best for us. I choose to believe that forgiveness is given every single time we repent and He never grows weary of us. And I choose to believe that prayers are heard and answered no matter who we are, where we are, or what we've done.

Yes, there is certainly a place for asking questions and looking for answers. But I believe there is peace and happiness in choosing to believe, even when it doesn't all make sense... maybe especially then.

"In this Church, what we know will always trump what we do not know. And remember, in this world, everyone is to walk by faith." (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland)

Lesson learned: Trust His timing

The following is a little insight into an almost daily conversation I have with one of my students:

"Miss Brown, is it time for lunch?"

"Buddy, we've only been in school for half an hour."

"Miss Brown, is it time for lunch, now?"

"Nope, not yet. But look at the fun things we're doing right now. Let's focus on that."

"Miss Brown, I'm hungry."

"I hear ya. But it's not time yet. We're getting closer, though."

"Miss Brown, now is it time for lunch?"

"I promise I will tell you when it is time for lunch."

"Miss Brown, I think we missed lunch! The other classes are gone!"

"[With a slightly exasperated tone...] Bud. Have we ever missed lunch before? I promise I'm watching the clock and I promise I will get us to lunch at the exact right time. You need to trust me, my friend."

The following is a little insight into some common conversations I have with Heavenly Father:

"Heavenly Father, I want to get married."

"Tess, it's not time yet."

"Heavenly Father, can I please get married, now?"

"Not yet. But be grateful for all of the amazing experiences you're having right now because you're single. Focus on that instead of worrying about what you don't have."

"Heavenly Father, I'm lonely."

"I understand and I know what that feels like. But it's not time yet. Continue to have faith that it will happen."

"Heavenly Father, I've waited so long. Now can I please find someone to marry?"

"I promise it will happen when the timing is right."

"[With a slightly exasperated tone...] Heavenly Father. I'm never going to get married, am I? Everyone else is getting married/already has three kids, a house, and a dog. Why not me? Why can't I have this?"

"Tess. Have I ever led you astray before? Have I ever messed anything up for you? I promise I have a plan. I promise it will all work out and you will be grateful it worked out the way that it did. You need to trust me."

_ _ _

Just as the teacher knows exactly what time lunch will be, God knows when we will receive our most desired blessings. And just as first graders have no sense of time and would eat lunch at 9:00 if possible, we may have a difficult time understanding God's timing and wish we could have what we want, when we want it.

But we need to trust Him. God has a perfect track record. We need to trust that and remember that everything will happen when and how it's supposed to happen.

Lesson learned: Remembering = Success

My students' ability to remember things really determines how successful they'll be. If my students can remember the rules, they won't get into trouble. If my students can remember that there needs to be a sneaky "e" at the end of a long vowel word, they'll do well on their spelling test. If my students can remember the doubles song we memorized, they'll be able to go faster on their timed-math tests.

I don't expect my first graders to be pro-rememberers, so I do some things to help them out. For example, with our class rules, I have the rules hanging up on the wall and we recite them every morning. And then, throughout the day, if students forget a rule, I'll ask the class, "Oh, wait. What's our rule #6 again?" And they all say, "Everyone does everything!" And then I say, "Oh good! I thought you had forgotten! Show me that you remember." And then we try again and everyone does everything.

First grade isn't just about learning; it's really about remembering. It doesn't really matter if they knew it in the morning if they forget it by the afternoon.

It turns out, remembering is still the key to success as an adult. Unfortunately, I feel like, lately, I've been having a hard time remembering. I'm not talking about remembering where I parked my car. I'm talking about remembering and applying the truths that I've learned from others and from past experiences. For instance, I've known that God loves me since I was a three-year-old sunbeam, but then when the going gets rough and my prayers seem to go unanswered, I sometimes forget that His love is still there. Or I know that repentance and forgiveness are very real principals, but then I forget and feel guilty again for past mistakes that I've already repented of. I know that reading the scriptures and praying daily are little things that make a huge difference, but then I forget and choose to just go to bed. And I know that everything ultimately always works out how it's supposed to, but then I forget and panic and think that this time will be the exception and there's no way things will come together.

But lucky for us, Heavenly Father has given us lots of tools to help us remember. He can remind us through the gift of the Holy Ghost, scriptures, modern-day prophets, patriarchal blessings, close friends and family, challenging experiences, and, if all else fails, post-it notes on bathroom mirrors...

So my new thing is to work on remembering. Not just in the mornings when I say my prayers. Not just when I'm sitting in a sunday school lesson. Not just when everything is going swimmingly. I want to remember when things are hard. I want to remember when I mess up and make a mistake. I want to remember even when I pray for something night after night and don't get an answer.

I want to remember because I'm finally figuring out this truth: Satan wants us to forget so that we will fail and God wants us to remember so that we will succeed.

Lesson learned: Hard isn't bad

I have a kid in my class who pretty much always knows all of the answers. He reads at a third grade level, gets 100% on all of the spelling tests, knows all of the double addition facts, and has, what we like to call, "teacher" handwriting.

But then last week something happened that hadn't ever happened to him before. Things got hard.

We were learning a tricky concept in math that was very much a visual thing and he just couldn't wrap his mind around it for some reason. I could see the panic begin to set in as he realized his classmates were all starting to get it and he was still confused. As we started a worksheet to practice this new concept, he tried the first one but couldn't do it. So then he started looking at his neighbor's paper and copying her answers. After calling him out on that, his chin began to do that quivering thing and he told me, "Miss Brown, this is too hard. I can't do this."

After working with him one-on-one for a little bit, it finally clicked and he was able to finish the worksheet. But he learned more that day than just how to add. He also learned how to persevere through hard things. He learned that if he asks for help, his teacher will be there to clarify and reteach. He learned patience. He learned humility. And he learned what his fellow classmates often feel like on a daily basis.

There are times where we are like this student of mine. Things just seem to be going smoothly, we feel in control, life is good, and then suddenly we hit an obstacle; something slows us down and we're not sure what to do.

I really dislike these moments. I don't like being confused. I don't like not knowing the answers. And I don't like making mistakes. However, I know that we learn the most when things are hard. And I also know that there are certain blessings that only can come to us when things are hard.

When things are hard, we often pray more earnestly, which strengthens our relationship with Heavenly Father. When things are hard, we remember our need for the Atonement, which strengthens our relationship with the Savior. When things are hard, we build stronger relationships with those we trust as we share our struggles with them and ask for help. When things are hard, we are later able to empathize with others who go through similar things. When things are hard, we may ask for priesthood blessings, which is humbling and can strengthen our testimony of the priesthood. When things are hard, we are more willing to slow down, be still, and listen to the Spirit. When things are hard, we learn how to turn to the scriptures and our patriarchal blessings to find direction and understanding. When things are hard and we pull through it, we gain confidence in ourselves and what we are able to do with the help of the Lord (see Phillippians 4:13).

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin said, "If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness."

Bottom line: Hard isn't bad. It's through the hard that we learn, grow, are blessed, and bless others.

Lesson learned: Put on your good listening ears

As it has been for every teacher since the beginning of time, I have some students who listen and some who don't. I try my hardest to train everyone so they know that when I am talking, their voices need to be off and they need to have on their good listening ears. But still, there are always those who choose not to listen... they continue to talk to their friends, they get distracted by stuff in their desks, they just want to hurry and put the last finishing touches on their picture, or some are actually just completely oblivious to the fact that I am talking and so they don't even feel the need to listen.

We've been having a bit of a listening problem in our class the past couple of days. I got to the point where I really wanted to duct tape their mouths shut help them remember the reasons why it's important to listen. We had a little chat and came up with these reasons:

As I was looking at this web after school, I had the thought, "Am I a good listener?" And then I thought about the upcoming General Conference where we will have an opportunity to listen to the prophet of God, President Monson, and the other leaders of the Church. The first grade reasons for listening apply to listening to General Conference: we need to listen so we can know where to go, so we can hear divine instructions, so we know what to do, so we can learn new things, so we can be safe, so others can hear (feel the Spirit) around us, so we can know what the Teacher knows, so we can share with others what we have heard, so we don't get into trouble, so we don't miss an opportunity to do something good, and because we want to do things the right way.

So. Are we going to be good listeners? Are we going to give them our full attention? Or are we going to tune them out like Charlie Brown's teacher? Are we going to show up to learn? Or are we going to show up only to turn and talk to our neighbors, look at the carpet, play with stuff in our desks, and fail to really listen to the Teacher? Are we surprised when we don't listen and then are still confused in life and don't know what to do?

As a teacher, I know that my students are SO MUCH MORE SUCCESSFUL when they are completely listening to me. Yes, we can make it through life without really listening to Heavenly Father, just like my students can make it through a day without listening to me. But I know that life goes SO MUCH BETTER if we listen to the instructions Heavenly Father gives to us.

Heavenly Father is up in front of the classroom. He is teaching us what we need to know. He is telling us the questions that will be on the test and what the answers are. Are we listening?

Lesson learned: It never hurts to ask

As a teacher of six year olds, I get to help with so many things besides just "school stuff." On any given day, it is very likely that I will be zipping up zippers, tying shoes, fixing necklaces, putting hair clips back in, sharpening pencils, unclogging glue tops, opening pudding cups, putting on bandaids, turning jackets right-side out, untangling jump ropes, unscrewing water bottle lids, giving friendship advice, settling arguments, explaining the difference between "on purpose" and an accident, providing trash cans mid throw up, putting baby teeth in baggies to be taken home to the tooth fairy, etc.

If I were to only help with math, reading, and science, first grade would cease to be functional. We would most likely survive the day, but it wouldn't be very successful, the classroom would be a disaster, very little would be learned, and pudding cups would go uneaten.

Lucky for us, just as teachers help with a lot more than just the "school stuff," our Heavenly Father isn't just there to help us with the "churchy stuff." He isn't just there for the spiritual decisions, doctrinal questions, and crises of faith. He can help us in all areas of our lives. We just need to ask.

Now, I'm not one to toot my own horn, but if I were to do so, I would say that I am actually pretty good at asking Heavenly Father for help. I have been known to pray and ask for help before a date (especially when it's with a guy that I really like and I don't want to botch it), when I'm lost and late, when I'm hoping someone nice will come sit next to me, when I need my day to go as efficiently and productively as possible because I have a million things on my to-do list, when my self-confidence is lacking, when I have no appetite because I'm stressed out but really need to eat something, when the turbulence on the airplane reminds me of my first (and only) Splash Mountain experience, when I have to put my big girl pants on and defend myself to a student's parent, when I have a student who is pushing all of my buttons and my patience is gone, and when I'm trying to decide what to say to a struggling friend who needs some validation.

Sometimes, it is obvious to me that I received divine help in response to my plea. Other times, it doesn't really feel like there was any difference. But either way, it's easier for me to feel confident in my performance and in the outcomes, whatever they may be, when I know I invited Heavenly Father to help me and then did what I could.

I figure, it never hurts to ask, right? We have been promised, "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths" (Proverbs 3:6). And we have been counseled, "Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not" (Doctrine & Covenants 6:36), as well as, "cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord" (Alma 37:36). Why would we ever want to pass up an opportunity to receive divine assistance?

As with any good thing, prayer can be taken to an extreme when we start asking for help in deciding what earrings to wear, what cereal to buy, and what rug would look best in the living room. This happens with my first graders a lot. Like when they ask me if it's time to go home. At 9:30. I like to call those kinds of questions "oops" questions. However, I am positive that if we ask with a sincere heart for help with something that is important to us, Heavenly Father will listen and will give us the exact help we require at the exact time we need it.

Lesson learned: Sometimes we just get to be brave

Today took courage. I knew it would be that way. I knew that it would be not so hard for some and really hard for others. I saw the butterflies in their stomachs. But we just had to do it. We had to get through the first day. My first graders just got to be brave today.

They got to be brave when there were a kajillion kids running around before school started. They got to be brave when they said goodbye to their mom and walked through the front doors. They got to be brave in the cafeteria with all of the big kids. One kid got to be brave and ask for help when he realized his class had left the assembly without him. (My bad.) They got to be brave and play with kids they had never met before. They got to be brave and stay the whole day, even though it probably felt like the longest day they've ever had.

But the beauty of it all is that tomorrow will be easier. Less courage will be required. They will get used to things, they will make friends, the hallways will become familiar, and I will eventually stop calling them bud, hun, or "kid in the green shirt." They just needed to be brave today. And maybe tomorrow. And then they'll be able to do first grade.

I totally felt for my kids today because I get it. I know what mustering up courage feels like. Being brave is not one of my most favorite things. I think I thought that once we grew up, we wouldn't have to be brave anymore. Ha.

I've had to be brave so many times in the past few years. I got to be brave in college as I moved away from home and started the whole being an adult thing. I got to be brave on my mission (to the nth degree) as I approached random people on the streets and told them about the things I know to be true...in Polish. I got to be brave as I interviewed for teaching positions. And then I really got to be brave every morning as I walked into work that first year of teaching. I get to be brave in dating as I allow my heart to be put out there knowing there's a possibility of rejection and heartache. I got to be brave this weekend as I was honest with a couple of friends and told them about some things that are hard for me. And I got to be brave today as I put on my don't-worry-I-know-what-I'm-doing face and embarked on another year of teaching.

But just like my first graders who needed to just get today under their belts, I was able to do all of these things because, for just a moment, I could be brave. I just needed to get through the door, onto the plane, into the conversation, my hand in his, standing up, out of the car. In those moments where courage was required, I know that my strength came from a loving Heavenly Father who knew that I just need a little push. Elder Bednar said, "...as you and I face challenges and tests in our lives, the gift of faith and an appropriate sense of personal confidence that reaches beyond our own capacity are two examples of the tender mercies of the Lord." I love that quote.

So while it's not my favorite thing, by any stretch of the imagination, I'm learning that so. many. good. things can come from just bucking up, relying on the strength of the Lord, and being brave for just a moment. Usually that's enough to get you going (or at least get you in far enough that you're stuck and can't back out).

Lesson learned: People come and go for a reason

As a teacher, it takes me a good chunk of time to decide where all my students are going to sit. I know you might think that's silly, but there's actually a lot to take into consideration! I look at personalities, levels of loudness, reading ability, boy and girl combinations, how chatty they are, how well they can (or cannot) focus, leadership and cooperation abilities, etc. It's quite the process. But I'm willing to take the time to really make it work because I know how big of a deal it is. I know that certain students need to be around other students in order for them to be successful, happy, and focused. I also know that some students need to not be around certain students in order for them to be successful, happy, and focused.

Whenever I decide it's time for a change, I wait until the school day is over and then I move all of their desks around. The next morning, the kids quickly realize they have new spots and wander around to find their desks and see who they sit by. Then the shouts of glee begin as friends discover they're sitting next to each other, quickly followed by some dramatic moans, as some discover they're sitting next to their not-so-favorite classmate and their friend is on the other side of the room. Some of the unhappy students will plead with me to switch their desks with so-and-so, but I just tell them that I really think this will be a good spot for them for now and give them a little pat on the back.

Even though the days of having our desks moved around are over, we still have similar experiences in our lives now as people come in and out of our lives. Heavenly Father is constantly moving "desks." I don't always love it when this happens since I am a big fan of things staying the same, but I take comfort in the fact that He doesn't just move desks around for kicks and giggles; He does everything with a purpose. He knows who will work well together and who won't, who needs help and who needs to be a helper, who is feeling tired and who is feeling strong, who needs a change of scenery and who needs a bit of consistency, who will bring someone down and who will lift another up, who is a good listener and who needs to work on being a good listener, who is willing to be vulnerable and who is going to remain guarded, who needs to learn something and who needs to teach something, who is very capable and who is still a beginner. He knows who needs to be next to who in order for all of us to get where we need to go and become who we need to become.

People are placed in our lives for a reason. We may not see it at first and we may even want to ask the Teacher to "switch our desks," but if we pay attention, we may be fortunate enough to see how that person is blessing our lives. On the flip side, people sometimes leave our lives for a reason. We may have a loved one pass away, a roommate move out, a significant other leave the relationship, or a family member move. Sometimes it might be because they weren't having a great influence on us. Or it might be because we have learned what we needed to from them and Heavenly Father needs us to learn something from someone else.

Right now, more than ever, I know that there are people in my life who are there for a specific purpose... old friends, new friends, past mission companions, the senior couples I taught at the MTC, the members I met in Poland, mission presidents, my bishopric, my stake presidency, siblings, parents, teachers, the guys I've dated and then broken up with, visiting teachers, visiting teachees, roommates, next door neighbors, the guy who spoke in church a few weeks ago, the girl who stopped by just to say hi, those who read my blog, extended family, co-workers, mentor teachers, and my dear first graders. It's almost unnerving how well Heavenly Father knows me and who I need in my life right now. I have been blessed by so many people and have been able to bless others simply because their desks were moved next to mine. How grateful I am that I don't always get to choose where my desk will be and that we have a Teacher who has planned out the perfect "seating chart" for all of us.

Lesson learned: Weaknesses aren't bad

Pretty much all of my students start out first grade with a big weakness... they can't read. And that's okay. I expect that. A big purpose of first grade is to learn how to read.

So yes. They have a weakness. But that doesn't mean that something is wrong with them. They (and I) are working to overcome this weakness. And they are going to grow so much as they try to overcome it.

Here are some of the things they learn while they have this weakness:

1. The rest of the class is actually in the same boat they are.
2. There are often clues on the page to help them figure out what it says, such as pictures.
3. It isn't good to focus on the hard words. They can skip them and read the words they do know.
4. They can apply the phonics rules they learned on easier words to the harder words.

5. It isn't good to compare to the other kids; they may have been reading at home since they were 2.

6. Friends who are better readers can be very helpful.
7. Miss Brown knows they can't read perfectly yet. They can ask her for help. (I may tell them the words that I know they can't figure out but I will usually make them go through steps 1-6 first.)

I don't think they would learn all of these skills if they just magically came to first grade already as perfect little readers.

And guess what! You probably saw this coming, but the same thing applies to us...

Pretty much all of us start out this life with a big weakness... [insert your weakness here]. And that's okay. God expects that. A big purpose of life is to learn how to overcome this weakness.

So yes. You have a weakness. But that doesn't mean that something is wrong with you. You (and He) are working to overcome this weakness. And you are going to grow so much as you try to overcome it.

Here are some of the things you can learn while you have this weakness:

1. Everyone is actually in the same boat you are.
2. There are ways to get around your weakness so it doesn't limit you.
3. Don't focus on the weakness; try to remember all of your strengths.
4. The experiences you've had in the past with this weakness can help you with your current struggles.
5. Don't compare yourself to others; they may have been working on this longer than you have.
6. Friends who have your weakness as a strength can be very helpful.
7. Heavenly Father understands you have this weakness. You can ask Him for help. (He may tell you the answer if He knows you can't figure it out, but He will usually make you go through steps 1-6 first.)

I don't think we would learn all of these skills if we just magically came to earth already as perfect little people.

And now for the kicker and where the analogy stops... my first graders have all pretty much overcome their "weakness" of not being able to read, but we will never overcome all of our weakness in this life. This may seem discouraging, but actually I'm beginning to realize that it's a good thing...

Sister Anne C. Pingree taught, "We can find positive meaning in weaknesses that are not taken away. Surely nothing is quite as humbling as having a weakness that we cannot overcome but must continue to struggle with throughout our life. Such a weakness teaches us, in a very personal way, that after all we can do we must rely on the grace of Christ to make up the difference.

"As we humbly submit our will to the Lord's, we will find that our weaknesses can indeed become sources of strength if we put our trust in Him" (here's the rest of Sister Pingree's talk).

So, yes. We all have weaknesses. We came that way. We were supposed to come that way. The trick is realizing it's not a bad thing and noticing the good things that come from your weakness. And, just like you would never be hard on a first grader for starting out school without being able to read, don't be hard on yourself for having weaknesses.

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

Lesson learned: We are loved more than we know

As the end of the school year approaches, I am getting excited for summer vacation, but I'm also kind of sad that my students will be moving on to second grade. I've had some really great students this year and have really come to love all of them.

 I love the ones who try really hard to be good and pay attention. I love the ones who will dance with me when we do the fish dance. I love the kids who slow down out at recess so that the kid with autism can tag them. I love the kids who still have to use their fingers to do subtraction. I love the kids who are willing to be partners with the difficult-to-be-partners-with kids. I love the students who leave notes on my desk telling me I have sparkling eyes and good clothes. I love the ones who don't understand how knock knock jokes work. I love the girl who comes back in from the bathroom and tells me that I really should talk quieter because she could hear me all the way in the bathroom. I love the kids who cry when they feel like everyone else in the class can read except them. I love the kids who are so stinkin' social that they can't stop talking to everyone at their table, no matter which table I put them at. I love the kids who I send to another teacher's classroom for a bit so we can both have a little break from each other. I love
the boy who gets in trouble on a daily basis for chewing on paper. I love the boy who talks like Eeyore and thinks everything is boring unless Transformers are involved. I love the kid who forgets to put spaces in between words and then I make him do it again and then he says he hates me. I love the kids who still mix up b and d even though we have talked about it a bazillion times. I love the kid who sits quietly and waits for all of the other kids to work on the math problem that he solved in 10 seconds.

My reason for telling you all of this is not to boast and show how amazingly loving I am. (I definitely have my moments when I don't feel like the most loving of teachers.) I do it to prove a point: If I, being an imperfect, second year teacher, with a limited amount of patience, can love these kids so much,
doesn't it make sense that God, who is the father of our spirits, as well as all-knowing, all-understanding, and perfectly forgiving, would be able to love us more than we could possibly imagine?

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "Think of the purest, most all-consuming love you can imagine. Now multiply that love by an infinite amount--that is the measure of God's love for you." (read the rest of his talk here.)

Do we understand that? Do we really believe that God loves us that much? I think that sometimes we feel as if there is some giant scoreboard in heaven that keeps track of the good and bad things we do, and the better our score is, the more God will think we're pretty great and the more He will love us. While I sometimes fall into this way of thinking, deep down, I know that God loves us all equally no matter who we are, what we do, where we live, how we act, or what we think. That's not to say
that He doesn't care if we sin, but Heavenly Father knows that we are human and we are always going to fall short of perfection, and yet He loves us anyway.

He loves those who try really hard to be the best that they can be. He loves those that remember to thank Him and those who never remember to thank Him. God loves those who repeatedly make the same mistakes over and over and over again. He still loves us even when we stop believing in Him for a time. God loves those who pretend to have it all together on the outside but really don't feel that way on the inside. God loves those who graduate top of their class, as well as those who never get into grad school. He loves the moms who sometimes lose patience with their kids. God loves those who don't think very highly of themselves. God loves those who beg for His help and then when they receive it, chalk it up to good luck and say they didn't need Him. He loves those who often doubt their faith even though they wish they could just believe. He loves us when we pray to Him and admit that we messed up that day. He loves the good people just as much as He loves the not so good people. He loves us all.

Bottom line: Even though there may be times when we have to "stay in from recess" or "go to think time" or "re-do an assignment," our Teacher still loves us more than we will ever know. We don't lose "Love Points" when we mess up. God's love is always there and always complete. Really really.

Lesson learned: Make an effort to notice

There are so many things that I do behind the scenes as a teacher so that things run smoothly ... most of which my students are completely unaware of. I set things up beforehand so that it's ready. I pre cut the circles. I divide up the math shapes so that everyone has the same amount. I think of the good examples to share because I know they will be on the test. I pair them up with a partner who can read or who they can help. I color code the baggies so they know which bag goes with which paper. I arrange their desks so that they are not next to someone who will distract them from listening or learning. Pretty much everything I do is intentional and is going to benefit my students in some way, now or in the future.

Heavenly Father is doing similar things for us in our lives so that we can do what we need to do and learn what we need to learn. We are born into a certain family on purpose. We are given specific strengths and weaknesses. Certain people come into our lives through work, relationships, friendships, roommates, church, etc. Some of them are there to help us and some are there for us to help them. He knows what tests will come to us in the future so He gives us trials now so that we can succeed later. 

My first graders benefit from my efforts and preparation but rarely, if ever, do they acknowledge it or thank me. They just don't notice it. It hasn't occurred to them that life doesn't just magically go swimmingly all of the time. 

Are we like my first graders in our ability to notice what Heavenly Father is doing for us? Do we appreciate His help and His efforts to make our lives go the way they are supposed to go? Do we notice His hand in our lives? Do we thank Him for preparing us for the future? Do we thank Him for the tender mercies that so easily go unnoticed? Do we keep in mind that He may be helping us, just as we asked Him to, but He is helping us in a different way than expected? Do we trust that everything has a reason and a purpose? Do we give Him credit for the good things that "just happen" to come our way?

What I'm trying to say is that I know God is an intentional God and He has a plan. I just need to work on remembering that and thanking Him.

Lesson learned: No mistake is unfixable

[I've had major writer's block this past week. I've started 5 different posts and none of them are clicking. So for now, here is an analogy that I used in a lesson I gave in church several months ago that actually gave me the idea for this blog. It's a bit longer than my usual post but I couldn't decide what to edit out, so feel free to skim if you'd like...]

A teacher has a project for her first grade students to complete.  The project is to cut out and decorate a snowman. There will be cutting, gluing, and some glitter involved. The students are all really excited once they see the glitter and the completed snowman the teacher created as a model. However, before handing out any of the supplies to her students, the teacher goes through all of the instructions, step by step. She explains that they will have to cut along the outline of the whole snowman very carefully. She specifically tells them not to cut any of the lines in the middle of the snowman.

Heavenly Father has a plan for us. He wants us to get married, have a loving relationship with a spouse, and create an eternal family. Through the scriptures and living prophets, He has instructed us how to use the powers of procreation correctly so we can be happy, healthy, and have an eternal family. He warns us of temptations and weaknesses that may prevent us from attaining these blessings.

The supplies are passed out to all of the students and everyone gets started. Many of the students listened carefully to the teacher’s instructions, and their snowmen are starting to look like snowmen. Other students, on the other hand, were not great listeners. Some weren’t listening because they were staring at the glitter and just couldn’t wait until they got to use it. Others weren’t listening because they thought they already knew how to do it and didn’t need any help from the teacher. Regardless of the reason for not listening, inevitably a student cuts the head clean off the body of the snowman.

As we live our lives, it is up to us if we heed the prophets’ counsel and follow the Lord’s commandment to keep the law of chastity. Some do not listen because they are more focused on what the world has to offer. Others are not listening because they feel they know better and can take care of themselves. Whatever the reason for not listening, those who do not listen may find themselves in a hard situation full of guilt, sorrow, heartache, and shame.

The student quickly realizes that an error has been made—snowmen are supposed to have three sections, not just two. He may try to fix the problem on his own, not wanting to admit to the teacher that he made a mistake. He sneaks some tape from the teacher’s desk and tries to tape the head back onto its former body. Unfortunately, six-year-old taping skills leave him with a less than desirable, somewhat-headless snowman.

Once we realize our mistake, we might try to fix it ourselves, not wanting others to know of our transgression. However, this usually involves lying, avoidance, and deceiving others, and we ultimately just end up making matters worse.

As soon as the student’s desire to get help fixing his snowman overcomes his desire to keep his error a secret, the student brings his snowman to the teacher and shows her what happened. Unbeknownst to the student, she has actually been watching the whole time. She knew he wasn’t listening as she explained the instructions. She watched as he carelessly decapitated his snowman. She saw him “sneak” the tape off her desk and watched as he tried to tape the head back on. She saw all of this, yet she listens patiently as he explains the situation to her.

When we can humble ourselves enough to realize we need help, we can turn to the Lord. Even though the Lord already has seen everything we have done and knows every detail, we still need to go through the process of admitting it to Him as well as our Priesthood leaders.

The student wants his teacher to just fix it for him, but, as any good teacher would do, she turns this situation into a learning experience. She kneels down so she can talk to him face-to-face. She asks him what he did wrong. She asks him why he made that mistake. He admits he wasn’t listening when she told the class the instructions. He tells her he was just so excited to get the snowman cut out so he could be the first to use the glitter. She tells him that he didn’t make a good choice. He looks down at his shoes and sniffs. Together, they make a plan of what he can do better next time and talk about why it’s important to listen to the instructions.

We may be looking for a quick fix, a way to just get out of the situation. The Lord knows better though. He has called Priesthood leaders who are able to talk with us face to face and help us realize the severity of our sins and feel the godly sorrow necessary during the repentance process. They work with us through this process and help us make plans for a better future.

At this point, the student is expecting the teacher to fix his botched tape job, but the teacher has a different plan. She goes to her desk and gets a brand new snowman from the stack of extra copies she had made ahead of time, knowing that someone wouldn’t listen to her instructions and would mess up. Her student’s eyes light up as he realizes he can start all over again and have a snowman that looks just like everyone else’s. No one will be able to tell he messed up. The student begins again. While he is cutting, he remembers his teacher’s instructions and the mistake he made last time, and makes sure to cut along the correct lines so he can have a whole snowman. With a smile of accomplishment, he picks up his snowman and gets in line where the teacher is passing out the glitter.

At some point during the process, we may think that we are “damaged goods;” that we will never be completely clean again. Gratefully, the Lord atoned for our sins so that we don’t have to carry around the scars of our sins after we have fully repented. We are given a clean slate and the chance to begin again. Yes, at times we remember what we did, but that remembrance, in addition to following prophetic counsel, helps us to not make the same mistake again. As we strive to live chastely and give all that we have to the Lord, He changes our hearts, helping us to become more than we ever could alone.