Lesson learned: No mistake is unfixable

[I've had major writer's block this past week. I've started 5 different posts and none of them are clicking. So for now, here is an analogy that I used in a lesson I gave in church several months ago that actually gave me the idea for this blog. It's a bit longer than my usual post but I couldn't decide what to edit out, so feel free to skim if you'd like...]

A teacher has a project for her first grade students to complete.  The project is to cut out and decorate a snowman. There will be cutting, gluing, and some glitter involved. The students are all really excited once they see the glitter and the completed snowman the teacher created as a model. However, before handing out any of the supplies to her students, the teacher goes through all of the instructions, step by step. She explains that they will have to cut along the outline of the whole snowman very carefully. She specifically tells them not to cut any of the lines in the middle of the snowman.

Heavenly Father has a plan for us. He wants us to get married, have a loving relationship with a spouse, and create an eternal family. Through the scriptures and living prophets, He has instructed us how to use the powers of procreation correctly so we can be happy, healthy, and have an eternal family. He warns us of temptations and weaknesses that may prevent us from attaining these blessings.

The supplies are passed out to all of the students and everyone gets started. Many of the students listened carefully to the teacher’s instructions, and their snowmen are starting to look like snowmen. Other students, on the other hand, were not great listeners. Some weren’t listening because they were staring at the glitter and just couldn’t wait until they got to use it. Others weren’t listening because they thought they already knew how to do it and didn’t need any help from the teacher. Regardless of the reason for not listening, inevitably a student cuts the head clean off the body of the snowman.

As we live our lives, it is up to us if we heed the prophets’ counsel and follow the Lord’s commandment to keep the law of chastity. Some do not listen because they are more focused on what the world has to offer. Others are not listening because they feel they know better and can take care of themselves. Whatever the reason for not listening, those who do not listen may find themselves in a hard situation full of guilt, sorrow, heartache, and shame.

The student quickly realizes that an error has been made—snowmen are supposed to have three sections, not just two. He may try to fix the problem on his own, not wanting to admit to the teacher that he made a mistake. He sneaks some tape from the teacher’s desk and tries to tape the head back onto its former body. Unfortunately, six-year-old taping skills leave him with a less than desirable, somewhat-headless snowman.

Once we realize our mistake, we might try to fix it ourselves, not wanting others to know of our transgression. However, this usually involves lying, avoidance, and deceiving others, and we ultimately just end up making matters worse.

As soon as the student’s desire to get help fixing his snowman overcomes his desire to keep his error a secret, the student brings his snowman to the teacher and shows her what happened. Unbeknownst to the student, she has actually been watching the whole time. She knew he wasn’t listening as she explained the instructions. She watched as he carelessly decapitated his snowman. She saw him “sneak” the tape off her desk and watched as he tried to tape the head back on. She saw all of this, yet she listens patiently as he explains the situation to her.

When we can humble ourselves enough to realize we need help, we can turn to the Lord. Even though the Lord already has seen everything we have done and knows every detail, we still need to go through the process of admitting it to Him as well as our Priesthood leaders.

The student wants his teacher to just fix it for him, but, as any good teacher would do, she turns this situation into a learning experience. She kneels down so she can talk to him face-to-face. She asks him what he did wrong. She asks him why he made that mistake. He admits he wasn’t listening when she told the class the instructions. He tells her he was just so excited to get the snowman cut out so he could be the first to use the glitter. She tells him that he didn’t make a good choice. He looks down at his shoes and sniffs. Together, they make a plan of what he can do better next time and talk about why it’s important to listen to the instructions.

We may be looking for a quick fix, a way to just get out of the situation. The Lord knows better though. He has called Priesthood leaders who are able to talk with us face to face and help us realize the severity of our sins and feel the godly sorrow necessary during the repentance process. They work with us through this process and help us make plans for a better future.

At this point, the student is expecting the teacher to fix his botched tape job, but the teacher has a different plan. She goes to her desk and gets a brand new snowman from the stack of extra copies she had made ahead of time, knowing that someone wouldn’t listen to her instructions and would mess up. Her student’s eyes light up as he realizes he can start all over again and have a snowman that looks just like everyone else’s. No one will be able to tell he messed up. The student begins again. While he is cutting, he remembers his teacher’s instructions and the mistake he made last time, and makes sure to cut along the correct lines so he can have a whole snowman. With a smile of accomplishment, he picks up his snowman and gets in line where the teacher is passing out the glitter.

At some point during the process, we may think that we are “damaged goods;” that we will never be completely clean again. Gratefully, the Lord atoned for our sins so that we don’t have to carry around the scars of our sins after we have fully repented. We are given a clean slate and the chance to begin again. Yes, at times we remember what we did, but that remembrance, in addition to following prophetic counsel, helps us to not make the same mistake again. As we strive to live chastely and give all that we have to the Lord, He changes our hearts, helping us to become more than we ever could alone.

Lesson learned: I'm all for second chances

Nick had a rough day. He made some not so great choices throughout the day which meant that I was going to send a note home to his parents. He knew it was coming but when he saw me sit down at my desk and take the dreaded orange paper out of my drawer, reality finally hit. After filling out the paper, I looked around for him and saw that he was crying in the corner. When I tried to talk to him, he was doing the thing that happens when you're crying. so. hard. that. you. can't. say. more. than. one. word. without. gasping. for. air.

In this moment, I had to make a decision. Was I going to stick to my guns and send the note home which I knew would result in him getting grounded and me losing the best teacher in the world status for a little while? Or was there maybe a different lesson that could be learned here?

Since I'm all for second chances, I decided to make a deal with him. We talked about what he had done wrong, talked about what he could do better tomorrow, and then I told him that I would leave the note on my desk and we would see how tomorrow went. If it went well, I would throw away the note. If not, he would take it home tomorrow. He was super surprised by my deal but he quickly agreed, stopped hyperventilating, and packed up to go home all blotchy-faced and puffy-eyed.

Nick was a rock star the next day, the note didn't go home, he was not grounded, and I am still the best teacher in the world.

I am so grateful that we have a loving Savior who is also all for second chances (and third and fourth and fifth...). There are times when, for whatever reason, we choose not to listen to the Teacher and we give into temptation, take the easy road, follow the crowd, give into the natural man, etc.

Christ knows that even the good students may make bad choices sometimes. But He also knows what is in our hearts, He knows our divine potential, and He knows exactly how it feels to feel weak and to give into temptation. Because of that, He is pleading with us to let Him strengthen us, forgive us, and remember our sins no more (D&C 58:42).

With Nick, my goal wasn't to see him suffer. My goal was to help him learn from his mistakes, remind him that he is a good kid, and empower him to be better tomorrow. I feel like it's the same with the Savior—His goal isn't to make us suffer for our sins. He already took care of the suffering part. His goal is to help us remember who we really are, get us back on track again, and help us move past our sins and mistakes.

Talk to your Heavenly Father about what went wrong today, make a plan with Him for what you're going to do better tomorrow, and then allow Christ to give you a second chance.

And here's a wonderful Mormon Message about forgiveness and mercy. I would really recommend watching it. It's very honest and powerful.

Lesson learned: Don't pull the band-aid off too soon

Today a kid biffed it in my class. He kind of deserved it, to be honest. He was running even though I've told him a hundred times to please use his walking feet. I wanted to say, "See? That's what you get for running in the classroom." But luckily my teacher filter kicked in and I helped him up, showed some sympathy, said something teachery like "Bud, that's why I tell you to walk in the classroom, I want you to be safe," and then got him a band-aid for his rug-burned elbow.

Pause. Analogy moment.

Sometimes, as adults, we get hurt and need a band-aid. We're probably not skinning our knees or getting rug burns on our elbows, but we might be hurting because of loneliness, weaknesses, sin, the choices of others, financial hardship, doubt, unmet expectations, depression, etc. We have two options at this point. We can leave the wound open, but that ultimately just makes the pain and injury worse. Or we can apply some Neosporin (the Atonement) and then cover it with a band-aid, or if needed, several band-aids (ask for help, remove the temptation, pray, make a change, read the scriptures, surround yourself with uplifting friends, stay busy, serve others, etc.).

Back to first grade.

The kid wouldn't leave the band-aid alone. I tried to explain to him that it would feel better if he left the band-aid on but he wanted to see what it looked like so he pulled off half of it and then the band-aid lost its stickiness and then he was trying to get it to stick again and then he said it didn't hurt anymore and then he pulled it off and then he realized that actually it still does sting now that the air was touching it again and then he asked for another band-aid which I only gave him after he pinky promised me that he would not touch it until he got home.

Back to us and the point I'm trying to make.

Just like my six year olds, we often want to pull the band-aid off too soon. We might want to pull it off to prove to ourselves (and/or others) that we aren't actually hurt. Or, maybe the sting is gone and so we assume that it must be all better and we're done with the healing process.

But pulling off the band-aid prematurely can cause major problems. If we take away our support systems, place ourselves back in a tempting situation, rely on our own strength instead of the strength of the Atonement, stop asking for help, dwell too much on the mistake we (or others) made, or sit at home alone, we are most likely going to open up the wound again and halt the healing process.

And then, even worse, some of us (meaning me) will pull off the band-aid, have a good look at it, and then proceed to pour lemon juice on it. We forget that we've already healed a bit and are getting back on track, and we start to think about the guilt or shame or unhappiness we felt when we first got hurt. We relive the injury. We begin to doubt that we will ever fully be healed because, look, it still hurts when I push on it. We dwell on the pain of the past instead of focusing on the healing that will (and already began to) occur.

If we really want to heal and move on, I am learning that we need to stop dwelling on it and reliving it, allow the Atonement to work within us, realize perfection is a process, and just give it time.

Or, in first grade terminology... Leave the band-aid(s) on for a while, don't keep on checking to see what it looks like every two minutes, leave the lemon juice in the fridge, and give yourself time to heal.

Lesson learned: Keep trying and be patient

We are halfway through March, the weather is warming up (except for that one time when it snowed this morning), and a bit of spring fever is starting to set in. My students are all getting very comfortable with each other which is leading towards a huge surge of CHATTINESS. Seriously. They will not stop talking. So, this week, I have decided to have a refresher course on raising our hands. I told my class what we would be working on, set some goals with them, dangled a couple of rewards in front of them for a bit of extra motivation, and we were off. 

After just a few minutes, they were all beginning to realize how much they really did interrupt and blurt out without raising their hands. There were some who thought it was funny that we kept on forgetting. Others were getting frustrated with how easily they forgot. We had moments of victory when some of my chattiest of the chattiest remembered to raise their hands. We had moments of defeat when that favorite someone just could not for the life of him remember to not just shout out the first thing that popped into his head. And we had lots of close-call moments when students would start to say something and then suddenly stop, look at me with the oh-you-thought-you-were-going-to-get-me-miss-brown-but-you-actually-aren't-because-I'm-going-to-stop-talking-now-and-raise-my-hand look, and then shoot their hand up in the air with a big grin. The best was when Nick put his hands on his cheeks and while shaking his head exclaimed, "We are NEVER going to get this right! Seriously. We aren't." 

So while it's been a long past couple of days, I must say that I don't blame them for having a hard time with this. It's difficult to break a bad habit and to train yourself to begin a new habit. Many of us have gone through the process of wanting to change a behavior, have started out with great hopes, messed up several times in a row, and then become discouraged and wonder if change is possible, just like my little first graders. 

I have this quote on the bulletin board in my room to help me when I find myself caught up in this cycle:

I love this quote. I love that Elder Christofferson, an Apostle of the Lord, is telling us that repeated attempts to change are not only okay, but can actually be viewed as holy. Bet you hadn't thought of it that way before. (P.S. This is from an incredible talk called "The Divine Gift of Repentance." You should read it...after you finish reading this.) We really learn and grow so so much as we go through the process of breaking a habit or, on a deeper level, repenting and turning away from a sin. It definitely is a refining and humbling process that takes diligence, effort, and patience with yourself. A lot of patience with yourself. Did I mention you need to have patience with yourself? Because you do. You need to have patience with yourself.

I'm beginning to figure out that just as we aren't expected to be perfect in life, Heavenly Father doesn't expect us to be perfect in the process of repentance or change. So don't be too hard on yourself if at times you blurt out and forget to raise your hand. Keep trying and move forward. Every step forward counts for something, even if there's the occasional step back.

Oh, and be patient with yourself. Your Teacher is.

Just something that I am going through that I thought might help someone else.