Lesson learned: People come and go for a reason

As a teacher, it takes me a good chunk of time to decide where all my students are going to sit. I know you might think that's silly, but there's actually a lot to take into consideration! I look at personalities, levels of loudness, reading ability, boy and girl combinations, how chatty they are, how well they can (or cannot) focus, leadership and cooperation abilities, etc. It's quite the process. But I'm willing to take the time to really make it work because I know how big of a deal it is. I know that certain students need to be around other students in order for them to be successful, happy, and focused. I also know that some students need to not be around certain students in order for them to be successful, happy, and focused.

Whenever I decide it's time for a change, I wait until the school day is over and then I move all of their desks around. The next morning, the kids quickly realize they have new spots and wander around to find their desks and see who they sit by. Then the shouts of glee begin as friends discover they're sitting next to each other, quickly followed by some dramatic moans, as some discover they're sitting next to their not-so-favorite classmate and their friend is on the other side of the room. Some of the unhappy students will plead with me to switch their desks with so-and-so, but I just tell them that I really think this will be a good spot for them for now and give them a little pat on the back.

Even though the days of having our desks moved around are over, we still have similar experiences in our lives now as people come in and out of our lives. Heavenly Father is constantly moving "desks." I don't always love it when this happens since I am a big fan of things staying the same, but I take comfort in the fact that He doesn't just move desks around for kicks and giggles; He does everything with a purpose. He knows who will work well together and who won't, who needs help and who needs to be a helper, who is feeling tired and who is feeling strong, who needs a change of scenery and who needs a bit of consistency, who will bring someone down and who will lift another up, who is a good listener and who needs to work on being a good listener, who is willing to be vulnerable and who is going to remain guarded, who needs to learn something and who needs to teach something, who is very capable and who is still a beginner. He knows who needs to be next to who in order for all of us to get where we need to go and become who we need to become.

People are placed in our lives for a reason. We may not see it at first and we may even want to ask the Teacher to "switch our desks," but if we pay attention, we may be fortunate enough to see how that person is blessing our lives. On the flip side, people sometimes leave our lives for a reason. We may have a loved one pass away, a roommate move out, a significant other leave the relationship, or a family member move. Sometimes it might be because they weren't having a great influence on us. Or it might be because we have learned what we needed to from them and Heavenly Father needs us to learn something from someone else.

Right now, more than ever, I know that there are people in my life who are there for a specific purpose... old friends, new friends, past mission companions, the senior couples I taught at the MTC, the members I met in Poland, mission presidents, my bishopric, my stake presidency, siblings, parents, teachers, the guys I've dated and then broken up with, visiting teachers, visiting teachees, roommates, next door neighbors, the guy who spoke in church a few weeks ago, the girl who stopped by just to say hi, those who read my blog, extended family, co-workers, mentor teachers, and my dear first graders. It's almost unnerving how well Heavenly Father knows me and who I need in my life right now. I have been blessed by so many people and have been able to bless others simply because their desks were moved next to mine. How grateful I am that I don't always get to choose where my desk will be and that we have a Teacher who has planned out the perfect "seating chart" for all of us.

Lesson learned: Err on the side of kindness

I promise that first grade is usually a happy place, but we definitely have our share of tears. Aside from the few who cry for some extra attention, most first graders don't like crying in front of others. They bury their head in their arms. They put their hands over their face. They look up, open their eyes really wide, and try not to blink so that the tears won't spill out. They wipe away the tears super fast hoping no one will notice. They ask to get a drink so they can be alone in the hallway. Whatever the method, the reason is the same: they don't want their peers to know that they're crying. Crying is embarrassing. Cool kids don't cry. Crying means you're weak or stupid or weird. So they try to cover it up.

But since six year olds are not usually known for their slyness, the class usually notices the tears, which leads to a fair share of misunderstanding and judging. I've heard students say, "Why is Susie crying? This is easy!" or "Timmy, you're not even really bleeding." or "I don't want to play with Sam. He always cries when he looses." While sometimes they're right, a lot of the time they don't know what's really behind the tears. They don't know that Susie has a learning disorder. They don't know that Timmy never gets attention at home and so he tries to get extra at school. They don't know that Sam's parents are getting a divorce and he's not sure how to cope with it.

As adults, many of us have been working on covering up our feelings since the first grade. Our methods may have changed a bit but we have become very, very good at putting on our "I'm happy and everything's fine and my life is pulled together" face and saving our tears for alone time. There is something to that since we don't like to come across as mopey Eeyores, but what that means is that we really don't know what someone else is going through. 

President Henry B. Eyring said, "When you meet someone, treat them as if they were in serious trouble, and you will be right more than half the time." Just because someone has their "happy face" on doesn't always mean that they're really doing okay. The waitress who messed up your order, it might be her first day on the job. Your coworker who keeps on forgetting to do something you asked him to do may have a lot on his plate at home. Your professor might not be feeling well. Your bishop may be feeling particularly overwhelmed or inadequate. The upstairs neighbor maybe was short with you because she just got some bad news. Maybe he's battling depression. Maybe she's secretly struggling with an addiction to pornography. Perhaps he is trying to keep his marriage together. For all you know, she's been hurt in every other relationship and is hesitant about starting this new one. Maybe he had to stay up with his sick child all last night. Possibly, she hates her job as a telemarketer and really would prefer not to talk to you either but it's the only job she's been able to get to help support her family.  We have no idea.

I love the verse in the hymn, "Lord, I Would Follow Thee" which says,

"In the quiet heart is hidden
Sorrow that the eye can't see.
Who am I to judge another?
Lord, I would follow thee."

So I guess I'm learning two lessons from all of this... One, since we're all so good at covering things up, we rarely, if ever, have the whole picture; we do not know the behind-the-scenes. And, two, we might as well err on the side of kindness when interacting with others. Give others the benefit of the doubt. If they're going through something hard, then we'll be glad that we were nice to them. If they're not going through something hard, then we've still been nice to them and too much niceness never hurt anyone.