Lesson learned: Choose to believe

Friday was the last day before our Christmas break. It was one of those 4 advil and a diet coke kind of days, but it was fun because we did a Polar Express day for the whole first grade. This girl in my class brought a bell to school just like the one that the boy gets from Santa's sleigh in The Polar Express. She came up to me and rang the bell up next to my ear and said, "Miss Bwown! Can you heaw it? Can you heaw it winging?!" When I told her I could hear it, she exclaimed, "Miss Bwown! You bewieve!!" She then walked around the classroom and went through the same process with pretty much the whole class.

Eventually, the bell ended up on my desk for the rest of the day, but I've actually been thinking about that experience a lot over the past couple of days. Her belief was so simple: if you can hear the bell, you believe, and Santa is real. It wasn't complicated. It wasn't tainted by the world's view of things. She didn't overthink it. She didn't question how Santa gets around the world in one night or how he knows if you've been naughty or nice. She just has been told that Santa was real, she has received presents from him, she has read stories about him, and so she believes.

I try really hard to be like the girl with the bell—I believe in God because I had parents who taught me about Him, I have had spiritual experiences where I have felt His presence, I have read about Him and heard others testify of Him, and so I believe. But sometimes I have a tendency to complicate things. I start to wonder how God can really hear all of our prayers all at the same time and have a perfect plan for each of us. I listen to the world saying it's a coincidence instead of recognizing it as a tender mercy. I overcomplicate repentance and forgiveness and the Atonement. I wonder why bad things happen to good people.

But these questions never get me very far. I just end up more confused and frustrated. So instead of asking, "why?" or "how come?" I try to ask, "Will you please help me to understand this when I am ready?" And in the meantime, I choose to believe. I choose to believe that things will be made right in the end. I choose to believe that there is a loving God who is in charge and knows what is best for us. I choose to believe that forgiveness is given every single time we repent and He never grows weary of us. And I choose to believe that prayers are heard and answered no matter who we are, where we are, or what we've done.

Yes, there is certainly a place for asking questions and looking for answers. But I believe there is peace and happiness in choosing to believe, even when it doesn't all make sense... maybe especially then.

"In this Church, what we know will always trump what we do not know. And remember, in this world, everyone is to walk by faith." (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland)